> Such a weird and brief appearance by you tonight.  You didn't seem yourself.
> Everything ok?


===>  WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT??!!

Just try to imagine... if you will......

There I was... curled up on my bean-bag chair, lulled into a peaceful slumber by the mechanical lullaby being emitted by the washer & dryer (yes, there's a washer & dryer... and three -- that's right, three! -- bean-bag chairs (and a strawberry iMac) in the Almighty Dungeon of Doom -- DEAL WITH IT!!!)...

...Alluva sudden, I am abruptly awakened by the Zoltan-The-Avenger Summoning Theme...  Well, you can imagine the disorientation and panic that swept over me!  (Imagine it, damn you!!!)

Why am I hearing this summoning music?!  Am I dreaming this?!  If that music really is playing -- and I'm not dreaming -- then what am I doing here in the Dungeon of Doom?!  If I'm really at the station, then who the hell am I??!!  (Keep in mind that I'd been sleeping... I'm not normally that confused... I'M NOT!!!)

If this "summoning" is meant to, ummm, summon me, then how am I supposed to appear on the air by the end of the music if the music only lasts for a minute or two, and it would take me at least a good 6 minutes or so (in Emergency Summoning mode, mind you) to get to the station?

What the hell is going to happen when the summoning music ends?!  I have now, finally, managed to figure out that there will obviously be no ZTA on the air afterwards!  That would be physically impossible!  Will the impeccable reputation of the mighty ZTA Summoning Theme be forever besmirched by this debacle?!  The horror!!  Unless......

...Will this be a "Best Of ZTA" appearance??  NO!!  Don't do this to me!!  I don't want to hear myself on the radio!!  (especially under these circumstances)  NOOOOO!!!  DON'T EXPLODE MY SLUMBER-ADDLED NOGGIN!!!

Well... it sure-as-shibby wasn't a recording, was it?!!  The Summoning Theme ends, and to my utter shock and disbelief, some sort of sick, bizarre, ZTA-incarnation-from-hell starts spewing from my speakers...  WHO THE FUDGE IS THIS??!!

(At this point, I am even more frazzled than I would've been had I been awakened by the hillbilly music that comes on after The Last Exit... (...which has happened, and it ain't pretty!!))

Why is ZTA saying all this horrible stuff about himself?!  Why is his voice so weird?!  Why does ZTA sound eerily similar to Foul Mouth Girl?!  (It can't really be her -- she's not allowed on the air, dammit!!)

If I have indeed gone insane (entirely plausible, at this point), and I was never really the actual ZTA, and this really is the "genuine article" that I'm hearing, then why is Zoltan The Avenger making himself look (I mean sound) like a TOTAL DORK?!!  How could everyone's favorite denim-clad, cock-rockin' super-hero degrade himself on the air like this??!!  What a travesty!!!

What is all this despicable garbage about the mighty Zoltan The Avenger washing his underwear?! ...and munching on PowerBarsŪ?!  ...and compulsively checking the tire pressure on the Z-mobile?!  (...and God only knows what else that I can't remember at this point...)  This cannot be the real ZTA!!  The real ZTA would never say such vile nonsense about himself!!  Never!!!

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!  I WILL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS!!!

THOSE WHO ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS SICK JOKE WILL BE... ummm...
...HELD RESPONSIBLE, DAMMIT!!!

YEAH!!!  :-P

FEAR THE WRATH OF MY FURRY HAT!!!

...and the DARK SIDE OF MY DENIM, TOO!!!

-- Zoltan The Avenger Of All Things (And Destroyer Of All ZTA Imposters!)

