Fire Eater Wizard Recaps 

September 24, 2004 

On The Last Exit: Co-host David was once more, not present. However, I doubt if anyone noticed as everyone else in the world, was there. Well, ok, not quite, but it seemed like it..Just Joe was there as was some new person named (I think) Fritz..Forgive me person, if I didn't get your name! And the entire line-up of two bands which totaled about ten more bodies..Plus Stephanie, who represents the band Dope Stars Inc. also called DSI, (she who beat Just Joe with her shoes a few weeks back) and Vicki, one of her friends, also dropped by..And Gorgar finally showed back up again after having been gone for about a month..So, as you can see, it was quite possibly the most crowded show ever..And also one of the craziest, weirdest, and most chaos filled which is really saying a lot I know..The bands were The Pushrods and River chicken..Both of them performed many acoustic songs..And River Chicken brought along and performed on both bongos and banjos! In fact, one long banjo performance would've made you think that maybe you had actually tuned in a bit late, and were listening to The Salt Creek Show instead of the Metallic Last exit. :) It was all very funny, entertaining, and very cool. one of the members of River Chicken made up and performed an impromptu song with someone else accompanying him. Just what they were saying, though, is anybody's guess. :) Also, after just Joe's adventure last week (being sent out for a walk covered in stickers), they decided to send him out again...This time in the giant pants again. It was decided that Crow (the drummer for the Pushrods) would be his companion. So, they got in the pants and off they went..And we learned from Just Joe when they returned, that although apparently girls love you when you're covered in stickers, they apparently do not like you when you are in a giant pair of pants..Go figure that out! We live in a strange world! It was also by far the most exciting Gorgar's corner ever..I know that's hard to believe given how exciting and action packed Gorgar's Corner always is, but this week it was truly something..Everyone there (about 15 people) All started shouting and chanting "Gor-gar! Gor-gar! Gor-gar!" This went on for a long time and was so loud that Gorgar had to shout to give his pick of the week, and was still nearly drowned out. Then they all started doing the "Gor-gar!" chant every time Gorgar said anything. And there were beat downs and violence too, of course..Some of them were directed on the bassist for the Pushrods (who was wearing a weird bright orange hat and kept misbehaving and provoking beatings.) There was other violence among various people all night long..Truly a show to remember! The bands were all awesome! A unique show in lots of ways. Well, they are all unique, but this one was, I think, one of the most chaotic, neat, weird and different ones...

October 1, 2004

On The Metallic Onslaught: Shoebox...Well, what do you think? Right. Important update though: everyone else was there as usual! The electronic keyboard played "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go", and Jeffie was there. He asked the others who the girl in the princess outfit was. They asked him what the hell he was talking about. He repeated it. They said they had no idea what he was talking about (as usual), and that he must be even crazier than he normally is. They claimed there was no such person there, so Jeffie concluded that he now had a princess in his head. However, we could in fact hear the princess. Jeffie started talking about Joe's vibrating cell phone, and how cool it was, and the princess commanded him to get it for her. So, Jeffie tried to do just that, which resulted in a brawl between him and Joe in which Jeffie was unsuccessful in obtaining the phone. The next talk break, the princess said she was extremely disappointed in Jeffie (she was not the first nor will she be the last to say that), and commanded him to try again to bring her the phone. The others told Jeffie that Rick now had the phone..Jeffie tried to take the phone from Rick, and Rick demolished him with a big block of Styrofoam.. Next break the princess was still upset with Jeffie for not bringing her the phone. She told him to try yet again..Jeffie did and got beaten down once again with Styrofoam and CD's..After this failure, the princess became very upset with Jeffie, beat him down with Styrafoam, and then left..Although the others claimed to Jeffie that they could not see or hear a princess, behind Jeffie's back they spoke to her..Jeffie caught them doing this, and asked them why they could in fact talk to the princess in his head..He was not happy about this..After Rick had gone (but remember because it's very important, he was there), Jeffie said that he was sad because the show was just not right without Rick there..Oh, and before he left, Rick said that he will probably not be there this coming week because he will be attending the Shadows Fall concert. So, the show will just have to try and find some way to manage without him, as hard as that may be... 

On The Last Exit: First off, it was not, after all, a re-airing of the Armageddon show from 2002, as the gangs' plans for that day and night (attending a wrestling show and / or a concert, fell through for various reasons), so, the well deserved night off will have to wait for another time..Too bad for them, but nice for us to hear a live show (although the Armageddon show was a great show!). Amazingly, co-host David finally showed back up again. Just Joe was also there. He related an event from his week which was the latest in a long series of illustrations of just how stupid he is. It seems he managed to drive off the road, into an embankment, and into a creek. He was told that there would be a special guest coming up just for him. It turned out to be a garden gnome which they later dubbed Sally (although it was a male gnome). :) It was decided that, in an attempt to conduct a social experiment, Just Joe and Rahul from Ithaska would take the garden gnome out for a walk..Azkath accompanied them, so David filled in for a bit. He let Foul Mouth Girl talk on the air for one talk break, and she actually somehow managed to get through it without swearing once! Will wonders never cease, another sign that Armageddon is indeed near perhaps?) :) When they returned and reported on the experiment, we learned the following information: No. 1: Girls apparently love you when you are covered in stickers. No. 2: they apparently do not like you when you are in a giant pair of pants. And, now, No 3: When you are accompanied by a garden gnome, apparently the guys love you, or, at least, they love the garden gnome, as many of them wanted to pose with it, and some kissed it. So, take note of that ladies, get yourself a garden gnome, and you too could attract a lot of guys. I must remember to try it sometime. And who said you couldn't learn anything from this show?!! After this, the adventures were not over yet for Just Joe. Stephanie aka Mynx was back, and as she had done when she was there a few weeks ago, she brought hand cuffs with her. When she was there a few weeks back it was hoped that she would be able to hand cuff Just Joe. That time it didn't happen (although Azkath did beat him down with them). This time, however, it did. And she also wrapped him up in duct tape, so, now he was the duct tape mummy...Just Joe did manage to power out of it (rather impressively, actually) and ripped off skin doing so. Very cool! So, another fun filled show.

October 8, 2004

On The Metallic Onslaught: The show did not, after all, have to manage without Rick, as he was there, although a couple hours late. Shoebox was, of course, not there, Everyone else was, including the princess. When Jeffie got there, at first everyone was nice to him, this was part of a plan communicated earlier in the night by Azkath, who knocked Jeffie out and laid out the plan to Joe and the Princess. This continued for awhile making Jeffie really happy. When Jeffie asked what had happened to him when he got there, as he found himself at the bottom of the stairs, with Azkath there, they told him Rick attacked him, he then attacked Rick and chased him from the building, and then, for some reason, blacked out.  This made sense to him, and then, after Jeffie had read them a news story about someone who flashed a lot of people and took  pictures of their reactions, Jeffie asked if he should try that. They were foolish enough to tell him "why not?". And so Jeffie flashed everyone there and got their reactions on camera. After awhile, Lance said that the night had gone on for too long without Jeffie getting a beatdown. He told Jeffie that he had a really cool musical instrument for him to try. It was a bottle. Lance told Jeffie that, if he put his head inside it and sang, it would sound really neat. Jeffie did just that, having a lot of difficulty fitting it on his head, but, finally doing it...Whereupon Lance, and everyone else, started pounding and beating on it. Jeffie began suffocating, and fell to the floor, and Lance then kicked and stepped on the bottle..Jeffie finally somehow managed to get free as he is one of those who simply stubbornly refuse to stay dead no matter what is done to them. After this Joe and Lance apologized to Jeffie and told him that, after thinking it over, they realized that they perhaps have been too hard on him over the years, and that they wanted to show him that they like and appreciate him...They all gave him a hug, although Joe seemed to have trouble doing it he finally did. Then they told him that next weeks show was going to be a special show all just for him. A Jeffie appreciation Day. They told him it would be a lot of fun for him with a lot of cool surprises...Jeffie was quite excited. So, this week we will all have to see what they have in store for him...And Joe said the show will not begin until about 11 o'clock for this week... 

On The Last Exit: Half of the band (2 out of 4 members) If Man Is Five were on. They were there for quite awhile, being interviewed and playing several awesome acoustic songs. They were very cool. It was decided that, since everything has season premiers, even stuff like WWE shows, which have no reruns, this would be the Last Exit's season finale and next weeks show will be the season premier. So they set about giving us mysteries to ponder over 'til then...Like, what happened to Rahul, they think he just went home, but, did he really?? You just never know. And, what will happen to Gorgar during the week? Will he make it back??  And, what stupid thing will Just Joe do next?? (I don't think they mentioned that one, but, I'm throwing it out there). Also on this show...After the band had left, most of the rest of the night consisted of violence, brawls, and beat downs...First Just Joe began abusing co-host David (who actually managed to show up for 2 whole weeks in a row)...Just Joe got on David's lap and started doing things to him which apparently were very painful as David screamed in pain...Then the rest of the night consisted of Azkath slapping Just Joe around and giving him several prolonged beat downs...First he attacked him with a baseball bat...Then, feigning an injury, produced a crutch which he beat him with so badly that the crutch was destroyed. Then it was back to the bat again...It was all very brutal, severe, and very cool...At the end of the night, as they were going over the cliffhangers which we are to await the answers to, and signing off, Azkath told Just Joe that there was something in the hallway...They all started screaming that it was a monster, and that it had and was dragging away first Just Joe and then Azkath as well, and, presumably, everyone there...So, what will be the fate of the Last Exit crew?? Will any of them survive the clutches of the terrible monster? Will any of them be alive for the season premier?? And, what stupid thing will Just Joe do next (if he survives, that is)???Oh the suspense! To find out the answers to these and many other pressing questions, be sure and tune into the season premier of The Last Exit For The Lost this week!!!

October 15, 2004

On The Metallic Onslaught: The show began a couple hours late last week, and this coming week will not be on at all. Shoebox was, as always, not there, apparently because the poor baby had a case of the sniffles. And although there will be no show for him to be at this week, I'd say if there were one, it would be a pretty safe bet that he would not be there, as Friday October 
15th is the day we have all been fearing...The day he is due to procreate, so, I think he might be busy that day..Although, wouldn't it be cool if he did it on the air??! Hey, if it's good enough for Good Morning America, to have someone give birth on the air, then surely why not MO?! Can you think of a safer place for a baby to come into the world?? With Jeffie present to make sure it all went fine? What more could you ask for? Everyone else was present, and, as was the case with The Last Exit the week before, it was announced that this would be the season finale of The Metallic Onslaught, and when they return in 2 weeks, it will be their season premier...It was also, as promised last week, Jeffie Appreciation Day...Jeffie arrived very excited about his day. They at first tried to make a pretense of liking and being nice to him, but kept lapsing into insulting him and threatening to beat him up. They played several clips of memorable Jeffie moments from the past throughout the night (although these were actually things that had happened to previous versions of Jeffie, he does have all their memories, so, in a way, it is his past and life as well). The first clip was one in which Jeffie rubbed his butt up against Lance, and then got beaten up badly by Lance.. Jeffie enjoyed the memory, (well, the part about rubbing his butt against Lance, not the rest of it), so much that he decided to repeat it. This lead to a fight between him and Lance. Later, Jeffie decided to turn out the lights and cuddle with Joe. Joe resisted this, but Jeffie held him on his lap and was bouncing him on his knee, like playing horsey..This went on for quite a while, but Joe finally got free of Jeffie's clutches. Then, after another clip was played in which Lance had once again beaten Jeffie up, Jeffie told Lance that he was going to get even with him for all his prior abuse.. Jeffie attacked Lance. They brawled. The others could not see what was going on, only hear it. There were many very brutal sounding crashes, and they were all sure that Lance was destroying Jeffie.. However, when things became quiet again, Jeffie emerged looking relatively unscathed, and Lance was nowhere to be seen. They kept asking Jeffie what had happened and what he had done to and/or with Lance, but Jeffie just kept saying that it was all taken care of, and that there was no need to discuss the matter any further. At the next talk break, Lance was still missing, and Jeffie was still refusing to talk about it. Then the phone rang. At first they could hear nothing on the line, then, a far away sounding and unintelligible voice could be heard.. Jeffie said that there was something that needed to be taken care of right away, and bolted from the room and up the stairs. They were all still puzzled and dismayed to see that apparently Jeffie can go upstairs now. They kept trying to talk to the voice on the phone, and finally figured out that it was Lance. Then Jeffie could be heard yelling and trying to make Lance hang up the phone. A moment later, Jeffie came flying down the stairs, followed by Lance...They had been fighting, and Lance threw Jeffie down the stairs. They tried to ask Lance what had happened and where he had been, but Lance said that he didn't want to think or talk about it. Then, they played one final clip of a memorable Jeffie moment. The one where Jeffie version 1 was brutally beaten down and killed, and where then Lance kept singing joyfully "Ding Dong The Jeff Is Dead" over and over again...When this was over, another brawl ensued between Jeffie and everyone else. They said that it was time for Lance to take Jeffie away somewhere...The show ended with a brawl still in progress, and Jeffie asking Lance where they were going...So, we will have to wait for the season premier in one week to see what happens... 

On The Last Exit: It was the long awaited (one week) season premier. When we last heard from the gang on the season finale, they were apparently being dragged away by a horrible monster. However, evidently the horrible monster just let them go quickly with no damage (but, then again, how could one really tell if any of them were damaged? how would you notice?) The show had many people on it this week. Co-host David was absent again. Well, he was there for two whole weeks in a row, what more do you want?! And, now he was back in New Jersey for some unfathomable reason. But Gorgar was there. As was Fritz, and Just Joe. Also there was Tim from Victory Records, Dan and Jamie (periodic guests and old co-hosts), and Crow, the drummer from the band The Pushrods (Lance had apparently said he would be there as well, but then did not show up). I said in my recap last week to tune in and see what stupid thing Just Joe would do next, and, of course, he did not disappoint. It seems he tried to order some chicken wings, and apparently instead of ordering six dozen wings like any normal person would do, he ordered six pounds of chicken wings! Well, ok, granted, maybe Shoebox could eat that much, but no one else. Chalk another one up to Just Joe's long and ever growing list of stupidity. Then Just Joe had lots of confrontations with Tim, Dan, Jamie, and Crow. Hugging them, molesting them, and being molested and/or attacked by them. However, he did get to carry Jamie around which he enjoyed a great deal. I don't know how much she enjoyed it though. After Tim, Dan, and Jamie had left (after about half the show), the rest of the night consisted of Azkath and Crow giving Just Joe many more brutal beatings with a chair and other weapons...It was quite a full and crowded season premier with much violence and silliness...

October 22, 2004

On The Metallic Onslaught: As was stated previously, there would not be and was not a Metallic Onslaught last week... So, be sure to tune in this week for the season premiere to see what craziness will ensue... 

On The Last Exit: Co-host David got smart enough to leave New Jersey where he had been the week before and was at the show along with Pat, the guitarist for their band Lotus Project... They were interviewed about their band and talked about the exciting news of their show Thursday October 21st at the Haunt in Ithaca... A lot of their music was played on LE last week as well. And, they finally have a web site up (after an eternity, it is finally here!), www.lotusproject.net so, go check that out. They got asked many of those crazy questions from www.theinsanedomain.com while they were there and they gave silly answers. Also present on the show this week were Just Joe, Fritz, and Gorgar... While David and Pat were there, Just Joe got a couple relatively minor beat downs (as compared to the ones he's gotten the past couple weeks) for acting annoying...Later in the night it was time for Gorgar's Corner.. Gorgar was asked how his week had gone and how he was...Now, Gorgar must be getting so old that senility is setting in, because he was foolish enough to say that things had gone fine and he was good... Which ensured that they would see to it that that would not be allowed to stand (or else he, and all of us will be struck down by a meteor). First Azkath gave him 3 brutal shots with a steel chair... Gorgar protested this treatment... Then they sicked Just Joe on him, and that made Gorgar beg for the steel chair to be used again instead... Just Joe kept hugging Gorgar, trying to sit on his lap, and trying to cuddle with him, and generally molesting him (Just Joe, it seems, is much like Jeffie and Friend in this kind of behavior, can you imagine what it would be like if the 3 of them ever got together! AHHH! The Horror! Truly the stuff of nightmares!) Just Joe and Gorgar struggled and both wound up on the floor. After awhile Gorgar finally managed to get free, and then got one more brutal chair shot from Azkath.. Followed by a bit more abuse from Just Joe.. Ya think next time, when he's asked how things are going, Gorgar will know enough to say "terrible!" no matter what??? You would think that would be obvious, but, then again, I was sure he already knew that but apparently not... If he doesn't know it now, then he never will... And thus went The Last Exit For last week...

October 29, 2004

On The Metallic Onslaught: It was, apparently, not their season premiere yet. No Shoebox, although the kid had not yet arrived then, the next day Saturday, he finally did! A 10 pound, 7 ounce boy named Steve. He obviously takes after his father. Congratulations to the entire Shoebox family and best wishes. I would expect that Shoebox will probably not be showing up on MO for awhile (not that that would be any different from the way things have been for a long time now), as I'm sure he'll be busy recuperating from giving birth and, after that, spending time with his family, but, who knows? He could surprise us.. So, back to last weeks show... Jeffie arrived and claimed that he had been in training with some people he only referred to as "they". And that they had shown him how to be really hardcore. He said that the MO gang would no longer be able to beat him up and abuse him because he could defeat all of them now... Well, not quite all of them... He realized that Rick could still beat him...However, he had a solution for that as well...If Rick started to beat him down, Jeffie would quickly get naked, which would, of course, ensure that Rick would not touch him and would get away from him as fast as possible. So Jeffie was very confident bragging that he was now invincible. He decided to demonstrate his new found abilities...He started a brawl with Lance and, to everyone's utter amazement and dismay, (especially Lance's, I'm sure), Jeffie totally won that fight and locked Lance out of the station...Next Jeffie tried to start a brawl with Joe, but instead Joe went to let Lance back in so they could both kick his ass, and Jeffie then locked both Joe and Lance out and took over the controls for a bit. Then, deciding that he didn't feel like running the show that night, he let them back in...Everyone was confused and alarmed by these events...(well, everyone except for Jeffie, of course., who was quite happy and pleased with the way things were going
.) They tried to get Rick to take care of Jeffie for them, but Rick pointed out to them that, if he got near Jeffie, Jeffie would get naked...They all did not want that...At the end of the show, Jeffie said that he was going to do something that would prove to everyone once and for all just how Hardcore he really is now...He brought in a big piece of metal and said that he was going to smack himself in the head with it...He did, and they told him that that had been wussy.. He would have to hit himself a lot harder than that if he really wanted to be Hardcore. He did it again, and, again, they ridiculed his attempt. He tried yet again, and they told him that his efforts were pathetic.. Jeffie got fed up with them and challenged any of them to hit themselves with the metal and see if they could do any better...They told him that Rick could do a much better job of hitting himself in the head with the metal and that he should bring the piece of metal to Rick and give it to him so that Rick could show him how it really should be done.. Jeffie agreed to do just that and did. Now, you can probably see where this is going, even though Jeffie couldn't as he is too stupid.. Jeffie gave Rick the piece of metal, and, of course, Rick did not hit himself in the head with it. No, instead he clobbered Jeffie over the head with it, knocking him out cold. The show ended with Jeffie still passed out on the floor...So, we will see what will happen now. Will Jeffie still be Hardcore and be able to beat or stop everyone there? Or, will the brutal shot to the head he took cause him to forget his new training and powers?? Tune in to find out...Oh, And Joe said that the show will probably start around 11:00 this week...

On The Last Exit: Three fourths of the band Lotus Project were there. Co-host David (the bassist) Pat (guitarist), and Chris (drummer and vocalist) were there. They talked a bit about their concert earlier in the week which went well. and was quite well attended. www.lotusproject.net is their web site. Be sure to check it out if you haven't already done so. Later, we got the announcement that Shoebox's kid had arrived that night. I gave the details earlier in this recap, but, again congratulations to them. Also on the show were Crow (the drummer for the band The Pushrods), Just Joe, Fritz, and Gorgar.. And there was a surprise appearance by a familiar voice from the past - Handy! He was last heard being taken away by Friend, but was back for a while and hadn't changed a bit, still his same old extremely loud and obnoxious self. Later in the night they told Crow to take Just Joe to the basement. Crow did and slapped Just Joe around. When they returned, Just Joe was extremely upset, crying and saying that Crow was mean...What brought this on?? No, not the beating...It seems that Crow crushed and generally mistreated Just Joe's potato chips. I haven't heard Just Joe so distraught since they took Cuppy from him and made him think they had killed cuppy.. Apparently you can beat down Just Joe with any number of cruel and brutal weapons, and kill him in various ways, and all this is fine, but mess with his potato chips, and apparently this to him is a calamity. Also, They sicked Just Joe on Gorgar for a bit more abuse this week when they found out (from me, so sorry Gorgar! Forgive me!), that it was his Birthday the next day. They thought that Gorgar might need a birthday hug, and that tradition where you get one spank for each year of your age. For a dinosaur that would really be a lot! :) So, it was another quite silly show... 

November 5, 2004

On The Metallic Onslaught: The show started a bit late, around 11:20, and was their Halloween show, featuring some Halloween themed metal..Jeffie arrived and he did still remember that he had been trained to be really hard core and still claimed that they could not beat him any more..He said that for his Halloween costume he was dressed like the Demon Azkath..And he said that he had a surprise for Lance outside that he needed to go get..Lance wanted revenge on Jeffie for Jeffie's beating him twice the week before..So Lance said that, when Jeffie came back in, he was going to kick his ass..So Lance was laying in wait for Jeffie to come back in,..Jeffie came back in, and Lance went to attack him, and, to everyone's amazement, Jeffie chokeslammed Lance rendering him unconscious for awhile! However it turned out that this was not in fact Jeffie, but Azkath disguised as Jeffie..He said that it had been Jeffie's idea for them to trade places and dress as each other for Halloween and trick everyone..Azkath told them that he was now leaving and would send Jeffie back in (Despite their entreaties that he not send Jeffie back in, he did just that as he is evil), and he left, giving Lance (who was still out of it on the floor) a final kick on his way out..Soon Jeffie was back, and Lance came to around that time..Lance, never realized that it had been Azkath, not Jeffie, who had knocked him out..The rest of the night consisted of many long brawls between Jeffie and Lance..Lance used a crutch to attack and beat on Jeffie..They kept battling for control of the crutch..Lance was able to play the same trick on Jeffie several times as Jeffie is a slow learner and it takes him forever to catch on to things...They would both be pulling on the crutch with all their might, and Lance would suddenly let go and Jeffie would go flying..This happened many times..Jeffie did however indeed seem to be improving in his fighting skills and was able to hold his own at times, and even to get the upper hand some of the time no longer a complete squash like before..Some other highlights of these brawls: Jeffie smashed Lance upside the head with a cup, and Lance gave Jeffie many shots with the crutch..By the end of the night Jeffie had taken quite a beating..However, he refused to stay down and kept coming back for more..He and Lance got into one final brawl and Lance chased Jeffie out of the room, and, apparently, out of the station..Lance returned without Jeffie..They inquired as to his whereabouts, and Lance said that Jeffie had disappeared, probably just run off down the street, and there was something about him covering himself with jam..And so that was the show...This week the show will begin at it's normal time (9:00), and will be their season Premiere..Tune in to see what that will entail.. 

On The Last Exit: The show ran an extra hour (7 hours instead of it's usual 
6), due to daylights savings time, and was their annual Tribute To The Past Show, where only old metal is played..It was cool as we got to hear lots of music we hadn't heard in a long time, and some of it was rare and obscure too, which is always neat..Present for this show were: Just Joe, Fritz, Co-host David, Ian (The Yeti), and Gorgar..They devised a contest/game to play in which, at the end of each set, everyone would try to guess what year each song was from..Ian consistently gave 1933 as his guess..Ian also had a special treat for us..He said that metal music went back a long way, and that he was going to perform for us some ancient caveman metal tunes..He pounded on a rock with a big stick and growled and screamed some death metal vocals.. Later, Ian and Just Joe brawled..Ian first clobbered Just Joe with his big stick (I'm sure you can think of many dirty jokes here), and then hit Just Joe in the face with a whip cream pie..Later it was decided that Ian had won the song year guessing contest for his consistently guessing 1933..He was told that there was a prize for him..Just Joe took Ian outside, and then proceeded to spray a bottle of whip cream all over him, first covering his face with it, and then spraying it all over his hands so he couldn't wipe it off..And then, for good measure, Just Joe also covered the front and back windshield of Ian's car with the whip cream as well, which was particularly unfortunate for Ian, as he did not have any wiper fluid..Ian left after that..Later, they played a nasty trick on Just Joe..He has been lobbying ever since he has been there for them to play some music by Elf..He has never been successful..But on this night they finally did play a song by Elf..However, right before the song was played, they told Just Joe that Ian was back and was outside messing with his car, spraying it with whip cream in retaliation for what Just Joe had done to Ian's car earlier..Just Joe ran outside, and, thus, missed the Elf song..When he got back he said that Ian had not been there and that his car was fine..Then, when the song titles from that set were read, he learned that they had played Elf..He was extremely upset by this, although they couldn't understand why :p they told him they had played it just for him, and why wasn't he happy? Just Joe when into a long pouting rant in the voice of Cartman from South Park..And thus went the extended Tribute To The Past Show, which, as it fell on October 31st this year, was also a Samhain, Halloween show too..And this week, barring any unforeseen circumstances, David will probably be hosting the show along with (probably) Gorgar, as the LE crew (including Just Joe, luckily for David and whoever else is there) will be attending a Divinity Destroyed concert in New Paltz for the soon upcoming Xtreme Soundscapes DVD music project..David said that he will also have some special guests on the show and some other surprises..It should be an interesting night, and a different one as different hosts have their own musical tastes and styles...Tune in to see how it goes and what will happen...Should be fun...

November 12, 2004

On The Metallic Onslaught: It was, in fact, finally, their season premiere. Jeffie was wearing a strange mask and was talking in a weird voice claiming that he was not Jeffie but a mighty luchadore wrestler with extreme powers which had earned him the right to wear the mask. They all scoffed at this and made fun of him. Jeffie and Lance got into a brawl that was, in what passes for Jeffie's mind, apparently supposed to show his super powers and prove that he was worthy to wear the mask. However, Jeffie was completely beaten down and Lance unmasked him. Then Jeffie had the mask, but would not put it back on, saying that he could not wear it again until he proved himself worthy to wear it. In short, he would have to earn that right. Now, after that, the rest of the show became truly bizarre, even for MO, which is really saying something. Jeffie appeared to have gone totally insane. Now, I know what you're thinking, how could you possibly tell, after all, hasn't he always been stupid and nuts? Well, of course, but, trust me, I have never heard him sound anything anywhere near like this. He kept rambling on in a totally deranged sounding voice. Long disjointed rants in which he talked about bottles with bees in them, and the bees had guns, and these bees with guns got into a battle (kinda reminds me of a really fucked up Dr. Seuss type thing, come to think of it.) He kept going on about this and other total strangeness that made no sense at all, his voice at times manic, and at other times sounding like a whimpering child. It was truly disturbing. Later, Lance and Joe got into another brawl with Jeffie in which they, among other things, beat him down with rolls of toilet paper. At the next talk break, Jeffie was clutching the rolls of toilet paper and calling them his babies, and saying that they had hurt his babies. They brawled with him some more, and he screamed that they were killing his babies. At the end of the show Jeffie was still acting com
pletely insane, asking them (in the whimpering child's voice), why they had killed his babies. I have no idea what caused Jeffie's apparent total melt down (if it had anything to do with the rather weird ending of the week before, in which he and Lance went outside, and Lance said some strange thing about Jeffie disappearing covered in jam, or if it was something else), but, whatever caused it, it was truly something to witness. Quite disturbing. So, tune in this week to find out if Jeffie is back to normal. Well, of course, he has always been abnormal, but, I mean, back to his former self. We shall see...

On The Last Exit: Co-host David did in fact get to become host for a night as the LE gang (including Just Joe, luckily for David and all else present) were attending a Divinity Destroyed concert in New Paltz for the Extreme Soundscapes DVD project. David began the night with a couple of special guests, Dan and Ben, who both claimed to be Vikings, who had swam all the way to the show from Scandinavia. Also there was Pat (the guitarist for Lotus Project.) The Vikings somehow got David to play some, how shall I put this, extremely um "interesting?", "different?" requests for them. I mean stuff like the band Green Jelly sounding very hip hop/dance, a ten minute long epic by Rhapsody (This thing featured a flute and was truly, um, unique), some strange song with narration by Bruce Lee, and an entire set of cheese which started off with Manowar and only got cheesier from there. Also courtesy of the Vikings they played a "different" strange song by the band Winds. The music, for the first couple hours anyways, was quite something to behold. Decidedly un-Last Exit like. Then the Vikings left (on a boat that they said they had built while they were there, which led to an amusing little discussion about the wood they used with many innuendos like "don't touch my wood!", and "why are you so selfish with your wood, why can't I touch it?!") After the Vikings were gone it was David, Pat, and Gorgar.. The music returned to more normal, a bit more Last Exit like.. (incidentally David, oh sure, you let the Vikings play their freaky music  which never would have  been sanctioned for LE, but wouldn't play any of my glam requests, which I promised to take full responsibility for if you did play them! :p Thanks! I might've put in a good word for you and/or attempted to ask for some leniency for you for the music you let the Vikings play (not that I think my asking would help you or get you any mercy, but I might've tried. But, forget it :) If any punishment awaits y
ou, face it alone.) :p And, so, thus went a different night, a rare show without most of the usual LE crew. It was interesting, fun, strange and amusing. I'm not sure I'd wanna be in David's shoes when they've listened to this show. Tune in for the return of the gang, and to see if David will show up, and, if so, will there be any repercussions for him, and, if there are, what they will be... 

November 19, 2004

On The Metallic Onslaught: Allen From the band Redezra was on to talk about the band and to promote their concert which would take place the next day. Some of the bands music was played as well, it rocked. Lance was there for most of the night, but left just before the last hour saying that he thought Jeffie would probably be showing up shortly, and that he did not want to have to look at his ugly face. And, in fact, Jeffie did indeed arrive at the next talk break, so, he was quite late that night (so Allen lucked out). Now this week Jeffie was sounding a bit more like himself, not quite as totally insane as he had been the week before, but some of the insanity still lingered. He was still very distraught about what he insisted was the murder of his babies (the toilet paper rolls). He kept calling Joe a jerk and a baby killer, and would not be talked out of his conviction that they had been his babies and not rolls of toilet paper. And then he again went into another long disjointed ramble about things that were not connected to each other and didn't make any sense (talking about following llamas into the woods, and there being more jam there,. And then getting animals all screwed up, describing rabbits, but calling them deer, and then describing cats, but calling them rabbits  and so on and so forth. His voice was more like his usual voice though, not the deranged manic voice of the week before, and he was a bit more calm and subdued. He never used the Luchador voice, in fact, when they kept asking him what had happened to his mask, he refused to talk about it. He and Joe did get into one altercation in which they got stuck together as Joe's sweater apparently had Velcro like properties to Jeffie's shirtless body, unfortunately for Joe. Then Jeffie said that he thought he was going to retire very soon, like by the end of the month, to be like many big wrestlers (Sean Michaels, Terry Funk, for example). Everyone was thrilled with this idea (apparently forgetting, or choosing to forget perhaps, that those wrestlers came back from their retirements). They urged him to not wait and just retire right then. But Jeffie wasn't having that, saying not until the end of the month. So, they said that they would prepare and throw for him a big send off party. So, tune in to see what that will be like. Should be very interesting... 

On The Last Exit: Co-host (host for a night) David did not show up. Well, he was actually there for like three whole weeks in a row, how much can you expect. :) Besides he was probably afraid to show up and was in hiding fearing punishment for some aspects of his hosting. Actually, he got praise for the job he did (well, mostly, not from Just Joe, who kept insulting him as usual, but his opinions don't count as he is stupid). However, I still wouldn't rule out something bad happening to David when/if he shows up again, as this is LE where bad things happen to almost everyone whether they did anything to deserve them or not..The LE gang was back (including, as I mentioned already, Just Joe, unfortunately). Also there this week was Ian The Yeti. Three fourths of the band If Man Is Five, (everyone but their drummer, the only male in the band) were there for the first half of the night. They talked about their band and upcoming events and projects, one of which will be their participation in Last Exit's Xtreme Soundscapes DVD release show on November 21st.. They performed many songs acoustically on the air. They are Awesome! They also were asked and answered many of those crazy questions from www.theinsanedomain.com.. They tried to get Ian to get on all fours and let one of the band members ride him around, but Ian refused saying that some things should only be done in private, at least as far as he's concerned. So, later, one of the band members rode Just Joe around instead. They also had Just Joe take one of the band members down to the basement, which he did in a surprisingly gentle and decidedly un-Just Joe like manner. They both seemed pleased with their time in the basement. Also there was Crow (the drummer for The Pushrods). He smacked Just Joe around quite a bit during the night. Just Joe was also briefly dead when they seated him right next to the vocalist for If Man Is Five while she was performing. She has an extremely powerful and awesome voice which temporarily killed Just Joe. He recovered of course as nothing keeps him dead for long. Just Joe got a few beat downs throughout the night including one where they broke a Seasons Of The Wolf poster tube over his head, and then one where they attacked him with a big monkey. However, I think Just Joe took to the monkey, liking it a lot. And so that was The Last Exit for that week. This week, Two more bands who are featured on LE's Xtreme Soundscapes DVD and will be participating in their DVD release show, The Pushrods and Divinity Destroyed should be on to perform and to promote the DVD release show. The show is on Sunday November 21st, so, actually later on the same day as this weeks LE.. It starts at 7 P.M. at Castaways in Ithaca and will feature a bunch of great local bands (including David's band Lotus Project who are on first), and lots of awesome music. So everyone should be there, support the local and independent music scene, and have a great time! The first twenty people through the door will get a free copy of The Xtreme Soundscapes DVD.. And, after that, they will be available in the area for a very low price, way below cost, so, you all should buy it!

November 26, 2004

On The Metallic Onslaught: There was no Metallic Onslaught last week as it was preempted for a hockey game and a concert at Jelly Beans. So, we will all have to wait to see what will happen for Jeffie's retirement and big send off party. Should be very interesting...

On The Last Exit: Co-host David has gone back to being a lousy co-host and was absent for the second week in a row. Perhaps he is still afraid and hiding. In any case, I don't think his absence was noticed much as there were a ton of people there... For the first talk break Just Joe, Ian (The Yeti), and Rahul from Ithaska were there and talked a bit... Rahul left after the first break, however, he did write a note to the bands who would be on shortly (The Pushrods and Divinity Destroyed) requesting that they beat Just Joe brutally. Good boy Rahul! And the rest of the night was pretty much an extended concert to promote The Last Exit's Xtreme Soundscapes DVD release show which was to be that next night and would feature those two bands along with David's band Lotus Project, Worm Quartet, The Witching, and If Man Is Five. The Pushrods played some songs acoustically live on the air. And the rest of the night was mostly Divinity Destroyed performing many songs (including, as a member of the band Nonetheless had done before them a few months, back making up and performing a song that was an answer to that www.theinsanedomain.com question "what if there was an evil picnic basket, and the only way to destroy it was to sing about it?". They  improvised and performed a song about destroying the evil picnic basket with an evil Yogi Bear. They also performed a number which was partly their song "Haven" and partly a very angry tirade against Map Quest entitled "Map Quest Sucks!". This rant was inspired by the fact that Mark of Divinity Destroyed got hopelessly lost on his way in to the show and spent four hours lost which he blamed on Map Quest. Both bands also answered a lot of those Insane Domain questions. But, as I said, the show was mostly one long concert. The bands and their performances were awesome! It was a great show! And this coming week Mr. Zaremba (of Punch Drunk Monkeys) and maybe Crappy The Clown should both be on to talk about and promote the upcoming one time only Punch Drunk Monkeys 10th anniversary reunion concert (which will also feature the bands The Others and If Man Is Five, and will be an exciting must see event!). Should be an amusing, great Last Exit show, so tune in... 

December 3, 2004

On The Metallic Onslaught: Jeffie was not there... However, sometime after midnight, Joe attempted to take a phone call which he said was Jeffie.. Why he was answering a call that he knew was from Jeffie? Well, I guess just stupidity stemming from old age... How else could you explain it? For awhile there was only silence as every time Joe and Jeffie try to talk on the phone there it never seems to work, which is what happens when two people are trying to carry out the extremely difficult task of having a phone conversation when one of them (Joe) is old and senile, and the other one (Jeffie) is stupid and incompetent.. Finally they and we could hear Jeffie, just barely, it was very faint, but I could make out what he was saying, and he, apparently could not hear them much if at all. However, he said that he was calling in from his retirement party, which he said was a wild party with lots of people there, and hot girls too. They all scoffed at this and did not believe him.. But, there was some noise and what sounded like people yelling in the background, so, who knows where he was or what was going on. Perhaps they were yelling in fear and disgust of Jeffie.. Who knows. This night also featured some amusement courtesy of Lance. He tried to make sounds that would sound like a cross between metal vocals and Chewbacca.. He cracked everyone up with this. So, tune in to the show this week (which, btw, will begin a bit late, about an hour and a half or so probably, due to a hockey game) to see if Jeffie will be there, or if his retirement will continue...

On The Last Exit: Poor excuse for a co-host David was yet again absent which makes it three weeks in a row now. And what makes it even worse, is that he was in New Jersey, which makes him not only a sucky co-host, but also stupid. Perhaps he is still so scared of bad things happening to him because of his hosting a few weeks back that he went all the way there to hide. But, could anyone really be that desperate? Now there's an interesting philosophical question...Which is the greater hell, The last Exit where Just Joe is and horrible things tend to happen to people (usually involving Just Joe), or spending time in Jersey? Now, although I, given that choice, would go to The Last Exit, apparently David would rather go to Jersey...I guess he feels safer there...In any case, once again, there were a lot of other people there (literally "other people", come to think of it, as two of them were members of the band Others). :) They were there along with Mr. Zaremba of Punch Drunk Monkeys (Dan-O is actually in both bands, so there were three people and 4 members there). They were there to talk about and promote the one time only Punch Drunk Monkeys 10th anniversary concert extravaganza. Also on that show will be the afore mentioned Others, and If Man Is Five. The event will be this Friday December 3rd, and it is also for a children's charity, and will be an awesome show! I mean, it's Punch Drunk Monkeys!! Complete with Crappy The Clown! How could it be anything but awesome! And who knows when/if it will ever happen again, this may be your only chance to see them, so, don't miss it! It had been hoped that Crappy The Clown would be on LE as well, but, alas, it was not so. However, he did call in to the show and talked for awhile about the concert, his role in a wrestling movie in which he is featured in a scene with Chyna (a fomer WWE female wrestling star), and what he's been up to lately. They played the music of all 3 bands who will be on the upcoming concert. And the guests, as is the custom, were asked and answered many of the www.theinsanedomain.com questions. Also present at this show were, Just Joe, Gorgar, (who had not been there for a few weeks), and Rub McGroin (who had not been there in several months). :) The first couple hours of the night turned out to be very messy as everyone was throwing doughnuts at everyone else (in honor of Punch Drunk Monkeys, and their  most famous song "Doughnuts", of course). There was doughnut all over everyone and all over the studio. So, it was a very amusing night. It was great to hear from Rub McGroin again and, of course, It's always great to hear from Punch Drunk Monkeys and Crappy The Clown! 

December 10, 2004

On The Metallic Onslaught: Jeffie's retirement apparently continued as he, once again, was not there. Joe, Rick, and Lance were all present along with two other people, one of whom has been there before, and one new guest... This show saw the return of The Pretty Princess, who was there even though Jeffie was not, so I guess we know for sure now that she is not just a figment in Jeffie's head... And the new person was someone claiming to be Santa Claus. Santa was quite different from the picture we have been lead to believe he is supposed to be like. He was not especially jolly, had a strong New Jersey accent, (in fact he talked and acted a lot like a mafia don) and talked about things like porn, vibrators, and drugs. It was all very enlightening! He informed us that Rudolph (he of the red nosed fame) has a cocaine habit, that Frosty The Snowman is a nasty jerk, and that Mrs. Claus is a fat unappealing broad, which is why he has affairs... He also, does not use a sleigh, but an SUV, and he does not enter peoples' houses via the chimney, but by picking their locks and breaking in. So now at last you know the true facts. See what valuable information can be obtained from this show?! Santa had a bunch of presents which he said were for Jeffie. He seemed disappointed that Jeffie was not there, which is a first, as usually people thank their lucky stars if Jeffie happens to be absent. The rest of the gang inquired about their presents, but Santa said that it looked doubtful that any of them would get any gifts because of bad things they had done during the year... Santa was extremely upset with Lance for his saying awhile ago that he wanted to start a Loverboy tribute band that would do Loverboy covers. This act of evil was the reason that Lance would get nothing according to Santa (that plus the fact that he beat up on Jeffie. That's a bad thing? Who knew?). Joe's sin was that he had played a lot of Thor during the year, and Rick's was his constant mentioning of the band Slipknot a band which Santa apparently hates. He said that it was possible that they could redeem themselves in the remaining time before Christmas. However, they played the Teletubbies "Dirty Knees" on this show, which seemed to seal their fates. At the end of the night, they asked Santa to give them Jeffie's presents saying that they would open and keep them for themselves, and then assuring Santa that that had been a silly slip of the tongue and that, of course, they would give them to Jeffie if and when he returned... So tune in to the show this week (which will be a full show and will begin at it's regular time) to see if Jeffie's retirement will continue and, perhaps, what was in those presents... You never know, maybe they contain things that the unlucky opener would rather not have received, alas for the gang, or Jeffie, or whoever opens them... Or perhaps they are truly awesome gifts... Who Knows? Oh and btw, Santa has a complaint/request for everyone... He's sick of cookies and milk or beer... He wants wine and Cannolies. As someone who also adores cannolies, I can't blame him there! So, you might want to bear that in mind if you want presents... 

On The Last Exit: Absolutely miserable excuse for a co-host David was, yet again, absent, making it a month. I do not know if he was still in Jersey, or if he got smart enough to leave there (one would hope) but, he was not at LE. They had figured out that this show marked the one year and two week anniversary of Just Joe and Ian The Yeti's first appearance on LE, as well as the one year anniversary of the band The Pushrods first being there. So they wanted to do something to celebrate this special occasion. Just Joe and Crow (the drummer for The Pushrods), whom Just Joe now calls his dad for some reason, which I don't think Crow is too happy about and who could blame him, were both there. They had hoped that Ian would be there as well to share in the joyous occasion (it was his anniversary too, after all), but Ian was apparently too afraid or, perhaps, just possessed good sense, and did not show up... Now on one of Just Joe's first appearances a year ago, they locked him in the basement (accidentally of course), and he was stuck down there for two weeks as they kept accidentally neglecting to let him out... So, of course what better way to celebrate this anniversary than to repeat this!?? Now, I along with everyone else, have said many times how stupid Just Joe is and with very good reasons (many many good reasons, a seemingly unending list of good reasons, in fact!). However, Just Joe may be, or may be getting, smarter than we give him credit for (at least he seems to be smarter than some people - Jeffie and Ian, for example, who keep falling for the same thing time after time and never seem to learn that, when they are asked/told by the LE or MO gang to do something, they should run like hell in the other direction) Because they had a terrible time getting Just Joe to the basement... They first just asked him to go down there, and he refused saying that he knew they wanted to lock him down there again. They tried to act innocent, promising him that they would never do any such thing, and telling him that there was cake for him there. But, Just Joe wasn't buying it, and refused to go. They told him that they would send Crow there, and that he could have cake, but that Just Joe would miss out unless he went down there... Crow went to the basement and then returned saying that he had had some of the cake and that it was delicious... But Just Joe still refused to go. Finally they appeared to give up and Azkath told Fritz to go tell the girl to get out of the cake and go home... That finally did it and lust got the better of good judgment and Just Joe went to the basement... Whereupon, someone accidentally put their hand around the doorknob and accidentally turned it, accidentally locking Just Joe in... Now, although this time they disabled the phone and the intercom, they forgot to take JJ's cell phone away from him. So he called them extremely irate. They all played dumb (which was not much of a stretch for them) saying that they had no idea what he was talking about. Was he in the basement? Couldn't he get out? JJ was furious and threatened to break everything down there including the microwave which would blow the whole place up. There was the sound of a lot of things crashing... Then Silence... They went to investigate, and JJ was gone... Then he called in. Apparently he had found the cave down there (That they sealed up months before JJ's debut) and had escaped. He was still irate. He said that he had taken Fritz (who was also at the show after having been gone for awhile, and was actually off looking to find Joe after he escaped from the basement) and that he had glued him to the seat of his car, and that he was now his hostage. Fritz could be heard pleading for help in the background (guess he picked a bad week to come back).  They asked him to let Fritz go and he said "maybe later". For now he was furious and insane (as if we didn't all already know that) and who knew what he would do with him... They were all concerned for Fritz but not overly so... Those two were not heard from again that night so who knows what happened... On the second half of the show more people arrived... Gorgar (who was injured this week from hitting a deer with his car. He fractured his neck and, in all seriousness, we all wish him well and a speedy recovery) The Penguin who had not been there in a long time, and a new person, Alan. They wanted to do something to Alan to initiate him to the show.  So, Azkath sneaked up behind him and there was a very loud noise... Now, it sounded like he had gotten clobbered, but, in fact, Azkath had just popped a balloon scaring Alan who had been expecting much worse. Then the Penguin was being annoying and obnoxious (penguins are like that) so Azkath and Crow spanked her and beat up on her. Then she and FMG got abused  and piled up on the floor... So, another amusing show and a truly moving anniversary tribute. :)   Tune  in this week to see what happened to poor Fritz among other things...

December 17, 2004

On The Metallic Onslaught: Santa Claus was there again, And so was Jeffie. The MO gang, extremely dismayed to see Jeffie back again, demanded to know what had happened to his retirement. He said that he had tried to retire, but that they had canceled his special retirement show and then refused to properly take his calls when he tried to phone in from his retirement parties (he had attended an If Man Is Five show the first week, and The Punch Drunk Monkeys' 10th anniversary extravaganza the next week, and thought those shows were all for him - his retirement parties). He said that, since they hadn't "let" him retire properly, he was back for his one last retirement show. They tried to get him to retire and leave immediately, but he insisted on having his retirement show. He had brought with him a purple slide whistle, which he kept blowing (I'm sure you can supply your own dirty jokes there) all night long and driving everyone insane with it  Later, he also brought out something from the past which we hadn't seen for quite a while... The Pussy cat puppet. He kept tormenting Santa with it, trying to get Santa to kiss the pussy. He kept trying to sit on Santa's lap which Santa would not allow. Jeffie told Santa that he wasn't what Santa should be like. Jeffie got into a brawl with Lance in which Jeffie actually had the upper hand throughout most of it. Then Jeffie tried again to sit on Santa's lap, and when he could not do that, he then tried to sit on Joe's lap, which started a brawl between Joe and Jeffie. By the end of the night, Santa said that he had changed his mind... He had defended Jeffie to the gang the week before, saying that no one could possibly be as bad as they claimed Jeffie was. However, now, after having spent 3 hours with Jeffie, he said that Jeffie was even worse than they had said, and that he really sucked. Jeffie told Santa that he was a sucky Santa, and that he did not like him (I get the impression the feeling was mutual). At the last talk break of the night Jeffie was attempting to give what was for him supposed to be a moving final message to his millions (and millions) of fans. But Lance kept interrupting him and talking over him. Jeffie yelled at Lance saying that he was ruining his final talk break, and depriving his fans. Jeffie attacked Lance and they brawled again. Again, Jeffie seemed to be dominating this fight and was going to F5 Lance. This brawl was still going on as they went off air. So, tune in this week and see if Jeffie is really retired or if, in the tradition of so many famous wrestlers which he referenced in his retirement speech, he will be back. We will see if his retirement lasts this time, and, if so, for how long...

On The Last Exit: First Jeffie showed up at Ithaska as a special treat for Ashley as it was her last show for a while. Then we learned that sadly it was to be Rahul's final show. So Azkath put Jeffie in the trunk of Rahul's car and told Rahul that as a going away present, he got Jeffie for one whole week. Ooo what a thoughtful gift! Who wouldn't love that?! So, farewell to Rahul, we shall miss you! Wonder of wonders, co-host David actually saw fit to put in an appearance, and, wow! he actually stayed for one whole hour (one sixth of the show)! And then he left informing us that he will be gone again for another six weeks or so, as he is going back to Jersey. Ah, the tireless dedication to his co-hosting duties that that boy shows! Also present for about the first hour or so were: Ian The Yeti and his friend Matt who has been there a couple times (they left soon as Ian said that he was ill), The Penguin, and, an unexpected great surprise, Crappy The Clown! Crappy talked about The Punch Drunk Monkeys 10th anniversary concert of the week before, his role in a wrestling movie with Chyna (a female former wrestling star) and his life in general. Just Joe was not present at LE this week, and neither was Fritz. So who knows what poor Fritz's fate was after being kidnapped and taken hostage by Just Joe the week before. Ian said that he believed Just Joe had been arrested and was in jail, but who knows? That could not be confirmed or denied. After the first hour David, Ian, Matt, The Penguin, and Crappy all left. But then Richey the vocalist / guitarist for The Pushrods arrived. For the rest of the show Richey was interviewed and played many Pushrods songs acoustically. And in the final hour we got to hear The recording of The Punch Drunk Monkey's 10th anniversary concert played back in it's entirety (well, with Crappy's swearing edited out) which was a real treat! It sounded great! An interesting fun show. And this week will be the 8th Pre-Anniversary count down to the end of the world extravaganza  (the world ends on December 21, 2012). This show is to LE what Wrestlemania is to Wrestling, so, it should be a crazy wild night. And perhaps we will learn where Just Joe was, and what happened to poor Fritz. Be sure to tune in... 

December 24, 2004

On The Metallic Onslaught: Santa Claus was there again, and he had some more facts for us. I said when he first arrived there a couple weeks ago how he set us all straight on what he and his life is really like as opposed to the lovely picturesque lie that we have been fed (how there is no sleigh or reindeer and has not been for a long time now - among other things). Well, this week we learned even more about that. He requested that Weird Al Yankovic song, "The Night Santa Went Crazy", which is about Santa massacring all his helpers and reindeer. Then Santa told us that was the true version of events (except for the ending, as in actuality Santa got away with it and was never punished, which is why he is still here). So now you know the truth. Just another great service that this show provides - exposing myths and lies and uncovering the true story. I'm sure there is an award for them in this for their breaking this important story. Santa left after the first couple hours, as this upcoming week is his busiest time of the whole year. He said he may be back in the new year. as things slow down for him after that. Before going he gave them something which he said he was sure they would all like a lot. He told them to be sure to read the instructions that went along with this package as that was very important. After Santa had gone Jeffie arrived. Now something has been really weird (I mean even weird for him) with Jeffie ever since that extremely bizarre thing where he disappeared at the end of a show a few weeks back after covering himself with jam. He just hasn't been what passes for normal for him ever since then. It was the week after that he totally snapped, with the mask and the insane rants. Then there was the whole retirement thing. So, last week he said that that would be his last show as he was retiring... Now here he was, back again. However, maybe that Jeffie did retire and this was a new version of Jeffie, or a new personality had taken over, or something, as he seemed to have no memories of anything that had happened to him or any of his other many clones. When they demanded to know why he was back after promising to retire, he said how could he retire when he was brand new? He seemed to have no memory of retiring, or of having met Santa the week before, or of having ever met Shoebox (well, I guess it's understandable that he could forget Shoebox, as Shoebox hasn't been there in since like forever. So, I guess that one really isn't that weird after all. But this Jeffie kept insisting that he was brand spanking new and, apparently, had no experiences to recall. (so, I guess we will never know how he and Rahul spent their week together unless Rahul comes back some day for a visit and we hear it from him - who knows, maybe Rahul is responsible for this latest weird change in Jeffie). And he still kept babbling,sounding at times like he was talking baby talk, and ranting on about things that made no sense. And this new version of Jeffie seemed to be defective at that... He would be talking, and then just freeze, total silence 'til someone kicked or smacked him, like he kept getting stuck. Then, when he would come out of it, he had no memory of what had just happened. Once he was on his way in to kick Joes ass because Joe had been making fun of him, and he got there, and froze. So Joe put him in front of the closed door, and when Jeffie came to, he slammed into it, not knowing how the door got to be where Joe was. This went on all night... Jeffie would go to brawl with someone,  freeze, and then come to wondering how he had wound up on the floor (where, of course, they had thrown him). At the end of the night, Jeffie was being annoying and obnoxious (that was something that had never changed), and Joe said that he thought it was time to try out the thing that Santa had left them... Jeffie attempted to start another brawl. And then there was this terrible noise. Lance seemed bewildered and asked Joe what he had just poured on his head, and why had he done that. Joe explained that he had read the instructions that went with the package. And according to them he was supposed to sprinkle faerie dust (yes, that's right, faerie dust) on Lance. Now at first Lance was understandably not to thrilled to hear this... However, this faerie dust had apparently briefly turned Lance in to a zombie. He had attacked Jeffie and apparently eaten a lot of his face. And now Jeffie (or what was left of him anyways) was lying on the floor, silent, motionless, and, apparently, dead. But, as all of Jeffie's parts have been ripped off many times and just regenerate, I would not be surprised if he shows up again in the new year... Or if not this one, then another clone ... I say "in the new year" as this was the last Metallic Onslaught for '04. The show will be off for the next two weeks, for the holidays, and will return on Friday January 7th 2005... Tune in then and all through the year to see what insane chaos awaits us all in the coming year...
