- Published in 2008 Archive
December 21, 2008 - 4th Pre-Anniversary End of the World Show
This was our 4th Pre Anniversary Countdown Celebration To The End Of The World Show (and, as the world is slated to end on December 21st, 2012, and this LE fell on December 21st, it is the only Pre Anniversary Show which will be exactly on the date, exactly 4 years from today, no more world, so it was extra special). Now, as I'm sure you all remember, that The Masked Man had claimed he would show up at this show and said he would have this be the end of the world for LE. So Azkath had been having Just Joe and Dave train all week long, and said they were ready for him. But, he said that he didn't really think The Masked Man would show up at all, because The Masked Man was a wussy, and a coward. They taunted and insulted The Masked Man. And then all havoc ensued... Not one, but four Masked Men barged in, and quickly subdued everyone there, there were piles of subdued bodies all over the floor. Then The Masked Men took over the show, and began playing their music, which consisted, among other things, of Kiss. After a couple hours of this, Azkath informed The Masked Men that he knew who they were... One of them, the most obvious one to figure out, was EVD! And the other 3...? Were, Tim, from Century Media, Lance, and Joe, no, not Just Joe, but, senile, old Joe, from The Metallic Onslaught! They had staged an invasion, and were responsible for all the sabotage that's been going on these last few months, including nearly getting everybody killed, and they had done this with the help of traitor EVD, whom, it turned out, is a cheap whore, selling everyone at LE out for a mere twenty bucks! Yes, that's right, twenty bucks for like several months of work! EVD! SHAME ON YOU! HOW COULD YOU! And, just what was the gang from MO's reason for all this sabotage, and attempted coup? Well, they were pissed at Azkath for sending them Jeffie, and for continuing to fix him, and send him back every time they killed him. Unbelievable, even nice guy Tim kicked ass and dealt out the beat downs, and poser Lance! And, old, senile Joe, who has never once been to LE, in the entire 15 years of this incarnation of it (or in any of the other incarnations of it either, for that matter)! Azkath made them a deal... If they would relinquish control of LE, he would fix Jeffie, and, by next week, Jeffie would no longer be annoying and obnoxious, but would be smart, and normal. The deal was excepted. But, of course, the participants in this treachery had to be punished... Well, all except for Joe, as, in spite of his treachery, at least he finally showed up for a visit to LE, before the world ends, and, who, if the last 15 years are anything to go by, will never be back for another visit before the world ends. For Tim's punishment... Just Joe and Dave took him down to the basement, and, from the sounds of the screams which issued forth from down there, did unspeakable things to him there, probably involving a naked Just Joe and Dave, For Lance's punishment... His pretty boy, glam hair was rubbed all over Dave's naked, sweaty belly. And for EVD's punishment... Well, his punishment would have to be more severe, as, after all, he had betrayed LE from the inside, and MO would never have been able to do what they did without his help, plus the fact of the ridiculously low price he sold us out for. Just Joe, Dave, Brian, and Sean, dragged EVD out side, and made a snowman out of him, and Dave splashed (the wrestling move, not with a liquid, although, given that it's sweaty Dave, I'm sure there was some liquid involved as well) him in the snow. Well, a snowman is a Christmas-y thing, and, seeing as this was the last LE before Christmas this year, it was all very fitting! Metal and comedy Christmas songs were played all throughout the night. They also flipped EVD's car over in the snow. They informed EVD that his punishment would go on for multiple weeks, unless he could think of something terrible to do to The Metallic Onslaught, something that couldn't be traced back to LE... EVD claims he can do that. So, tune in to The Metallic Onslaught next week, and see if EVD succeeds in that, or if his punishment for his betrayal will have to continue on LE, and to experience the new, smart, non annoying, Jeffie. And, as next week's LE falls the nearest to Christmas, it will of course be a We Love Satan Show. It is hoped that Satan will put in an appearance this year for his big day, he has been missing them lately. And, apparently, he is still trying to obtain a body, so we'll see what happens with that. So be sure and tune in for that...
-Fire Eater Wizard
This was our Second Pre-Anniversary Count Down To The End Of The World Show, to mark the world ending in two years, on December 21st, since it might be a wee bit hard to celebrate it after that, at least here, maybe somewhere else, we celebrate it in advance. And, this year, we decided to prepare for it by taking the probably least likely scenario of how it will occur, although, you never know do you, a zombie apocalypse, and training for that, a test run through drill, if you will. EVD, Dave (for once!), Shane, Little Gorgar, Adam, Dustin, from the band Sorrow Of Batavia, Tim, formerly of Century Media, and, before that, of Victory Records, Tim's friend Steve, and BBBIIIIILLLLL!!!!!, who turned out to be Kal, were there. When the program began, Just Joe was not there, again. It was decided that he probably needed rescuing from the zombies, so Dave and Adam were dispatched to do that. They returned with Just Joe, Kal rescued Just Joe from the zombies. Just Joe was not at all happy to find out BBBIIIIILLLLL!!!!! was really Kal, rescue or no. Adam had apparently been bitten by a zombie, he bit Just Joe, and Just Joe became a zombie. Just Joe was dragged away by Adam. Dave and Shane were sent to retrieve him. They did, but Dave was really pissed, saying Just Joe had bitten him, for real, and that he quit. Shane also complained Just Joe had really bitten him, but he threw Just Joe down the stairs. They had Kal show them how he had locked Just Joe in the trunk of his own car a couple weeks back, to keep him from getting to LE, by doing it again now, to punish him because he was actually biting people, getting into this zombie thing a bit too much, this was only supposed to be a rehearsal after all, a mock run through drill. Just Joe was really mad when he was again locked in his trunk for real. Kal got bitten by Adam during all this, became a zombie, bit EVD, and turned him into one as well. The zombies got Tim next. Shane tried to throw Just Joe down the stairs, Just Joe resisted, smacked Shane lightly on the head, knocking him out (Shane has a weak soft spot on top of his head, just like a new born baby, if you hit him there at all, he goes out like a light, I guess that is a defect of being grown from Just Joe's severed hand), but, when he fainted, he knocked Just Joe down the stairs by falling against him, so Just Joe went down the stairs anyways. Adam got thrown down the stairs as well. The Zombies were supposed to drag Dustin outside to turn him into a zombie, but Dustin fought successfully, saying it was too cold to go outside. Dustin was told he was disqualified from The Zombie Apocalypse Show. But then all the other Zombies refused to go outside as well, saying it was just too cold, and, they didn't care if they were dead, they still weren't going out in the cold. What a bunch of wimp wussy zombies!! I guess now we know another way to stop zombies, besides shooting them in the head, apparently if you can get them outside in the winter, you'll be safe that way too. The zombies insisted that, if they were gonna devour people, they were just going to have to have this apocalypse indoors. Now zombies are making demands or they'll go on strike?! What kind of zombies are these?! You just can't get good zombie help anywhere any more! What is this world coming to?! Well, apparently, an end. They tried to zombify Dustin again, but he fought again, successfully, again, for a while, but, eventually they got him, and devoured him. Then he quit, even though he had already been fired. Not at all a team player! Some of the other zombies quit too. Again, these zombies have to be the worst zombies ever! Steve commented on how he didn't think this had been a very good zombie apocalypse, saying there should have been props, blood and such, and making other suggestions. It was pointed out to him that he had been there all night, and he could have made those suggestions then, but didn't. He said he had wanted to critique it after the fact. Zombies Just Joe and Tim were sicked on him and told to devour him, which they did. Just Joe said he had locked Shane in the trunk of his car, his, meaning Just Joe's, not Shane's. No one ever went to let him out, so he spent the rest of the night there, at least, who knows, maybe more, maybe he'd even still be there next week, who knows when Just Joe, or anyone else, will get around to letting him out. But Just Joe turned on his car radio so Shane could hear the rest of LE, and hear them mocking him and laughing at his being trapped in the trunk. There were a few segments of Movie Time throughout the night, with Tim, Little Gorgar, Adam, Steve, and EVD participating in some of them, EVD apparently being really excited that he had actually seen a movie to contribute, because, right at the very beginning of the night, when no one was talking about movies, and it was being explained that it was The Second Pre-Anniversary Count Down To The End Of The World Show Zombie Apocalypse Edition, he blurted out, out of nowhere, "I Saw A Movie". There were a whole lot of songs about zombies, at least until about 4:00, when the Zombie Apocalypse portion of the program ended, as all the zombies had either quit, or, in Dustin's case, been fired, so the last two hours of the night were mostly just The Pre-Anniversary Count Down part, with a couple more zombie songs thrown in. And there was LE style Christmas themed music throughout the night as well. And so thus went our Second Pre-Anniversary Count Down To The End Of The World Show Zombie Apocalypse Edition. It was concluded that the Zombie Apocalypse part hadn't gone all that well, was kinda a failure. Well, what can you really expect with wimp wuss whiny zombies who make demands and put conditions on there being willing to do what zombies do, grab and devour people, eat their brains, and turn them into more zombies. I mean, really, is that so hard?! All you need to be concerned with is doing that if you are any kind of zombie worth his or her salt! You guys really sucked at being zombies! You should be ashamed of yourselves! Well, anyways, Happy Pre-Anniversary Of The End Of The World, everyone! Remember, if you have things you want to get accomplished, or affairs to be gotten in order, or affairs you want to have with anyone for that matter, better get cracking! There's only two years to go! So, Happy Holidays, everyone!