Menu

April 16, 2017 - We Love Satan Show, with Poindexter and RADII live in studio!

Justin the Easter Bunny and EVDIt was Easter Sunday, so this meant, of course, that it was our semi annual We Love Satan Show, the other one being, of course, Christmas, which also fell on a Sunday last December. Just Joe has become smart enough, I know, the words Just Joe and smart aren't usually used in the same sentence, but, it took him a while, but he has finally learned to avoid these Easter Shows, because he knows they will make him be The Easter Bunny, and kill him, many times. As Justin isn't usually here on Easter, he's usually home, it was decided that this year, he would get to do the honors. Justin was excited about this, because he didn't know any better yet. When he put on The Bunny Ears, he did notice that there was something on them that looked like dried blood, but they assured him it was chocolate. And not to worry about the duct tape on them, that was only because they were getting old, and just needed some repair. They told him to go hide, and that, whomever found him would get to kill him, but that not to worry, because Easter is all about resurrection, that they would pour water on him, and he would come back to life again, and that he wouldn't even remember what had happened to him anyways. And this needs to happen, because, last year, for the first time ever, The Easter Bunny, Nathan, successfully avoided being killed, and hell froze over, and it required a virgin sacrifice (Kevin), to put things right again. Justin, however, hid so well that no one could find him. But we lured him out by pretending that there was an adorable little kitten in the room, Justin can never resist cute cats. He emerged from his hiding place, and EVD strangled him, and broke his neck. They left him dead for a while, because it's fun to look at a dead Easter Bunny. Then they poured water over him, and Justin came back to life, not remembering what had happened, and wanting to know where the kitten was. Azkath killed him again by bashing him over the head with a baking sheet, which now had Easter Bunny impressions on it. Again they left him dead for a while. Then brought him back. Justin now wasn't acting quite right, I know, he never did before, but now he was doing disturbing things with Easter eggs, putting them on his eyes, and around his neck and stumbling around. He said he needed to go home, and did, at least that's where he said he was going. Two bands performed this night. First up was Poindexter. It was their first time here. They performed for about a half hour set. They were interviewed, telling us about themselves, and a track from one of their CD's was played. They are cool. You can find them at buffalopoindexter.bandcamp.com and, facebook.com/buffalopoindexter Next, the band RADII performed some songs trying to summon Satan. It worked, but there were two Satans, as both of them became possessed, and no one could figure out who the real Satan was. They hung out for a while, then left, saying something about being needed at the white house. And, of course, all of the music played this night was about, for, and, inspired by Satan, Metal, and comedy, and some Easter songs as well, metal songs, with Easter in their titles. Thanks to Nathan for doing a great job as usual running the sound all night for two bands. Before they performed, and became possessed, RADII hung out as co-hosts. They are a cool band, you can find them at facebook.com/radiitheeye And thus went our We Love Satan Show for this Easter...

- Fire Eater Wizard

Read more...

December 25, 2016 - Our We Love Satan Xmas Extravaganza!

Satan.jpg

This LE fell right on Christmas Day, which only happens every five or six years, depending on The Leap Year. So, of course, it was one of our twice a year We Love Satan Shows, the other one being on Easter Sunday, of course. Present were, EVD, Nathan, and, Bi-Coastal Tim. EVD and Tim were acting very strange, I know what you're thinking, how could you tell, right? But not like their usual selves. They kept wanting to hear Christmas music, getting more and more insistent about it, and demanding to hear Stryper. And, EVD wasn't on his computer, totally absorbed in video games, like he always is, and, his beard was oddly white, almost like Santa's, and both he and Tim just kept staring. They kept insisting that Azkath play Stryper, he kept refusing, but finally gave in and played it. And then we found out that this had all been the work of Satan, who had possessed both EVD and Tim. Well, he is and does evil, and, what's more evil than Stryper, after all!? After Satan told Tim that, as a result of the possession, a part of his body, he didn't say which one, might or might not turn inside out. After Satan had departed, Nathan started acting very strange. I know, again, how could you tell, but he seemed to be trying to solder his orifi shut! By the end of the night he appeared to have soldered one ear shut, and, well, let's just say that the last thing he said was that he needed to poop, and they told him good luck with that! So, it would appear that Satan messed up Nathan, even more than he was already messed up. There were segments of Movie Time, and, of course, this being a We Love Satan Show, most of the music was for and about Satan, but there was some Christmas music, too, all throughout the night, Last Exit style Christmas, weird, disturbing, or funny music, or, Christmas metal. And, so, thus went our special We Love Satan Show it only happens every few years, the Christmas Day one.

-Fire Eater Wizard

Read more...

December 27, 2015 - We Love Satan Xmas Xtravaganza!

LEThis is one of our favorite nights, as we get to praise He who has inspired so much great music. And he did pay us a visit. EVD, at Nathan's request, Duct taped Randy to a chair. Nathan wanted this because he needed to get even with Randy for the previous night's 'Pantless Santa' dance on The Metallic Onslaught. Randy was nicely decorated. We weren't sure why EVD was taking orders from Nathan, but nevertheless, this worked in our favor. Last year, we summoned Satan into Randy, tickled him, and his head exploded. We got some tasty Satanic jerky out of the deal. We tried to recreate that, but Satan refused to make Randy's head explode. Instead he told Rick to kill Nathan. EVD intervened. We had no idea why. Satan then informed us that in the weeks that EVD had been missing, Nathan had been brainwashing him. Now the spell was broken. EVD grabbed Nathan and dragged him into the performance room, duct taped him to a chair (with Rick's help), and covered him in silly string. Afterwards Nathan managed to get free by throwing himself headfirst at the ground. Luckily Tim was there to slap Dave's disembodied Beard on him, just to make the scene complete. So after all this, I, Azkath, decided to see what lay a year in the future. Now, whenever I send Joe into the future, he sees killer bunnies. This time I sent Randy. One year ahead. Randy saw killer bunnies. He claimed they were eating him. Frustrated, I sent Nathan a year ahead, and he ended up WITH Randy, also being attacked by bunnies. They ran off, and eventually snapped out of it. No idea what is with the bunnies...

We started a new tradition, that of Takanakuy, which is a Peruvian Xmas tradition, where everyone puts on Ski Masks and can beat the crap out of whoever they want to settle their grievances. Seemed like something perfect for us. For some reason, Nathan got beat up the most...

I also decided to try an experiment. Long ago I created a trigger phrase in Randy, whenever I tell him there are 8 Owls in my Tree, he goes insane. I asked Satan to inhabit Randy so we could thank him for all the nice things he's done for us all year, and after we did that, I triggered Randy...  It was Randy / Satan, and it was insane. Then Tim had to take that home. 

Read more...

April 20, 2014 - We Love Satan Easter Show

We Love Satan ShowIt was Easter Sunday, so of course it was our We Love Satan Show. Present for this were, James, Rick, Randy BILL!, and Annie, all from The Metallic Onslaught, Allie, Kal, Mark, and someone who once was Crappy The Clown, and sometimes still is, but you never know what personality he may turn up as, for a while this night, he was Humpty Gump, then he was Dr. Phil for a while. It was Easter, and, every Easter we kill The Easter Bunny, many times, for our Easter sacrifice, then resurrect him, by pouring water on him, holy water, if you will, so we can kill him again. Whoever is wearing The Easter Bunny ears is The Easter Bunny. First it was Randy, and Azkath beat him to death. Randy was resurrected. Next, BBBIIILLLLL!!!!! wore the ears. A game of Hide And Go Beat was played, The Easter Bunny would hide, and people would take turns looking for him, in the dark. The one who found him would get to kill him. But, after three people trying and failing to find him, the lights were turned on, and everyone went looking at once. James found him. But then James vanished, and Darksyde appeared, and showed BBBIIILLLLL!!!!! how much he loves him, unfortunately for BBBIIILLLLL!!!!!, when Darksyde really loves you, he beats the crap out of you. While BBBIIILLLLL!!!!! was dead, Allie did a puppet show with his corpse. BBBIIILLLLL!!!!! was resurrected. Next, James wore the ears, and they beat him to death. While he was dead, Kal was enjoying poking him with a big club. James was resurrected. Crappy The Clown's uncle, Uncle Punchy, showed up, with an Easter game, Pass The Schmuck. People would have to throw a party streamer to each other, if they dropped it, or it broke, there would be a consequence. The consequences could be, Poop Head, where you would have to wear a pile of poop on your head for a music set, Tape Head, where your head would be covered in shipping tape, and you would have to suffer the agony of having it removed, Penis Nose, where you would have to wear a set of goggles with a penis on them for a music set, Short Bus, where you would have to wear this helmet that Uncle Punchy had brought for a music set, Metal Head, where your head would be covered in aluminum foil for a music set, or Truth Or Dare. Allie lost the first round, and she had to wear the penis goggles. Randy lost the second round. They let Allie pick his consequence. She picked Short Bus. Then Randy was The Easter Bunny again. And this time he would be killed by Rick chokeslamming him off the balcony, which was only about three and a half stories high. Gee, wonder if that would actually kill him, it doesn't sound that deadly at all, couldn't they have come up with something a bit more lethal?! I mean, Satan deserves a good sacrifice for Easter! So Rick did it, Randy died, they poured water on him, he came back to life long enough to get back inside, then died again. They pelted him with Easter eggs, a lot of them. Randy finally did revive again, but he wasn't in very good shape, kinda bloody, so Rick had to take him home. The clown, Crappy, sang us a song. Azkath played a clip for Crappy from way back in the day, a spot with Crappy's old band The Punch Drunk Monkeys, talking about him. There were segments of Movie Time, and some TV, and On-line shows were talked about as well. Topics were discussed like the JFK assassination. And, of course, most of the music was for, to, and about Satan, lots of satanic metal, and some comedy songs and skits about him as well. No appearance from Satan for his Show, and no appearance from Jesus bearing candy, either. Kal wore a gas mask all night, for some reason, but that's just Kal... And so, thus went our Easter We Love Satan Extravaganza!

Read more...

April 5, 2015 - We Love Satan Easter Show

IMG 7456

So this was our traditional We Love Satan Easter Show. Both Randy and Just Joe decided to boycott the show based on things that have happened to them in the past. Instead we had a different array of people, and a lot of fun was had. Joining us, aside from our weekly regular co-hosts in Arydaea and EVD, we had Crappy the... ur, Mr. Linda, and Jim Evans (JR) of Hollow Bodies. We also had the Last Exit debut of Nathan Bobbett, who had previously visited us on February 28, 2015 for Where Did the Road Go? when he was working sound for Lorna Reynolds. I may have lured him in after looking at his facebook page and realizing that he was a Bronie. I MAY have said it was a We Love My Little Pony Show. Regardless, he was there. As was Luke, also a guest from that same night on Where Did the Road Go?, and as an anthropology student, he just wanted to observe. After a while, he started growing horns, and after insisting he didn't believe in any of it, he left. 

I had a present for EVD. It was nice and evil, and I thought he would appreciate it. I took some of Eric's clones' remains from a few weeks ago, and cloned a bunch of 'little Erics'. They were all around 6 inches tall, and I locked them in a sound booth. I thought EVD would appreciate the mad scientist aspect. I was wrong. And then they were lose in the building causing havoc. Luckily JR went to take care of them... and apparently started eating them. Their taste description was not appetizing. There are still a few running around I think...

After it came out that Nathan had been tricked into coming into the show, we gave him the gift of mousetraps, then we debated the power of Satan vs My Little Pony. Eventually Nathan saw the light. And EVD kept tormenting him with the Pooh Stick. JR and Mr. Linda played some songs on an acoustic JR brought with him, and near the end, Satan texted me to say he would be by for No Pants Day in a few weeks. Whatever form that will take...

-Seriah

Read more...

December 21, 2014 - Our We Love Satan Apocalypse Xmas Show

As this was the last LE before Christmas, it was our biannual, Easter being the other time, We Love Satan Show. The first couple hours were actually the Armageddon part of the program, and were prerecorded, as the LE crew were at the latest The Last Exit For The Lost Presents Show, where we were trying to end the world with brutal heavy metal at The Haunt. As far as I know we failed again, unless the post Armageddon life is exactly the same as the sucky world we are in now. When the gang arrived the We Love Satan part of the program commenced. Present were, Just Joe, Tim, Randy from "The Metallic Onslaught", Jeremy, and, Olivia and Tim from the band Undead Messengers, which was one of the bands who had performed at the Haunt Azkath said that, although it was a We Love Satan Show, they were going to deny Satan a sacrifice this time. But they were going to summon him. This was the plan... They duct taped Randy to a chair (too bad EVD was absent this night, duct taping people is his specialty, after all). Under the chair was a symbol used to summon Satan. So Satan possessed Randy's body, but was duct taped to the chair, and thus we could have him present for his Show, but he couldn't hurt anyone. Satan was not at all happy that he wasn't going to get a sacrifice, and was stuck in a chair. He insulted LE. Azkath told him that he wanted to know all of the secrets of the universe, or Just Joe would tickle them out of him. Satan was not forthcoming with even one secret of the universe, let alone all of them, so Just Joe started tickling him. Satan was indignant that he, the all powerful Prince Of Darkness, And Lord Of The Underworld, was being tickled. He apparently was ticklish, because he was laughing, for a while... So, I guess we didn't learn any secrets of the universe, but we learned that Satan is ticklish. Perhaps it was too much for Satan to have that secret revealed, because Randy's head exploded, and Satan was gone. There were pieces of Randy all over Just Joe, who had been the nearest to him, of course, and a lot of him in Olivia's hair, and his ears were on the floor, which we can use as souvenirs. Tim, our Tim, not the band's Tim, and Jeremy took the body outside, where Tim was told to take it home with him, Tim was also covered in Randy gore, and the band's Tim was munching on pieces of Randy. Luckily Randy was already a clone, so we can just clone him again, so he will be back, but let that be a lesson, don't tickle Satan while he is possessing someone, unless of course you don't like that someone and don't care if they explode, in which case, you have a way to get rid of them. Just Joe said that he and Our Tim finally agreed on something, that this Show should be celebrating Christmas, and playing Christmas music. So we did what we have done in years past, we let the computer, fate, if you will, decide. It was randomized for a set of songs and, if more satanic songs played, then Satan won, and, if more Christmas songs played, Christmas won. Not even one Christmas song. Azkath told Just Joe he had a deal for him... They would try one more set. If Satan won again, Just Joe would have to throw someone off the balcony. If Christmas won, then he would play at least some of Wham's "Last Christmas", which Just Joe and Our Tim had been asking for. Christmas didn't do much better this time around, only one song, so Christmas was thoroughly trounced this year, maybe because Satan got his blood sacrifice after all. A bit earlier, Azkath told Just Joe to take Olivia away. We no longer have a basement for him to take people to and do whatever it is he does to them there, but we do have a booth. So Azkath told Just Joe to take her there and do whatever he does, because she was being annoying, singing Christmas songs. Now, yes, I know, taking people to a booth doesn't sound nearly as bad or scary as taking them down into a basement, but apparently it is still really scary for the unlucky person Just Joe takes there, because Olivia could be heard screaming, and she came back broken, whimpering for Santa, which was mostly all she would say now. And, her night would get a lot worse, more on that in a second. Back to Just Joe now having to throw someone off the balcony... He chose the band's Tim, which was one reason why Olivia's night would get worse, as they are a couple, and Tim died being thrown off the balcony. But her night was still going to get even worse. Azkath was miffed that Tim had landed on his car, which he had specifically told him not to do, some people are so inconsiderate about where they die! He asked Just Joe why he couldn't have thrown him more to the left?! Just Joe said that Tim could have moved that way. Azkath told Olivia that he had a Christmas present for her, I guess the least he could do for taking her boyfriend away. Although, Tim was munching on Randy, so perhaps he is a zombie, and we may see him again after all, who knows? Azkath's Christmas present for Olivia was... He put on Just Joe's Porn Theme Music, which turns him into Porno Joe. Poor Olivia started screaming again, a lot, things like "GET AWAY FROM ME!", "GET OFF ME!", and, "GET IT OFF!", um, that last one was probably the wrong thing to yell, Olivia! Now, when Just Joe's Porn Music stops, he has no memory of what has just occurred, and so is clueless as to why people are screaming and freaking out. Azkath asked him what he was doing, and what was wrong with Olivia? Just Joe said he had no clue, he must have been helping her with her solitaire. Azkath started up his Porn Music again, and Olivia began screaming again. I guess she didn't like her Christmas present very much, she went back to whimpering, and then left. So, it wasn't a very good night for Olivia. First she had whatever she had done to her by Just Joe in the booth, she got covered in Randy gore, her boyfriend died, and, she got treated to Porno Joe. I wonder which of all of those she thinks is the worst? Losing Tim is probably bad, but I'm willing to bet it was Porno Joe! Jeremy and Just Joe got into a slap fight, which Azkath also got dragged into, only the slap he gave Just Joe was more of a punch. There were segments of Movie Time. And, of course, the program was all filled with music appropriate for the occasion, the first couple hours, The Armageddon part was all songs about the end of the world, serious and comedy, and, most of the rest of the night was music for to and about Satan, again, metal and comedy, with some Christmas music as well, also metal and comedy. Also, Sloth was present, but due to injuries he sustained at the The Last Exit For The Lost Presents Show, he broke his nose and cracked his orbital bone in the pit there, he was resting upstairs and could not participate. Feel better soon, Sloth. There was no Old School Hour in the final hour, so more satanic music, and some Christmas music, could be played as well. And, I would just like to say, that it wasn't a great night for me either, as I was disappointed that I didn't get to hear the Wham Christmas Song, which I joined Just Joe and Tim in wanting to hear, although, that is not my favorite Wham song, those would be, "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go", despite Olivia and the other Tim's nasty comments about that song, maybe I'm not feeling as sorry for them after all as I otherwise might have given all they went through, Tim, in addition to getting killed, also got beaten up, and well, I've already a numerated all the really bad things that happened to Olivia. So, thus went our part Armageddon, part We Love Satan Show. Whatever or whoever you are celebrating or not celebrating in this time, have a great time doing, or not doing that, everyone!!!!!

-Fire Eater Wizard

Read more...

December 25, 2005 - We Love Satan Xmas Show / 7th Pre-Anniversary End of the World Show

We Love Satan...This was a very very special Last Exit For The Lost. It was something that doesn't happen often. Every few years, Christmas Day falls on a Sunday, and this is one of those years. So, yes, that's right, LE fell right on Christmas Day this year! And it was also the 7th pre anniversary count down to the end of the world on December 21st 2012, as it will be kinda hard to have anniversaries to that date after the end of the world, we do it now. Well, we may still be having anniversaries to it somewhere after the world ends, but, who knows where, what plane, dimension, or level, so, we do them now. That blended very nicely with the Christmas show. Those two themes go very well together. Present on this very special night were: Just Joe, Electric Vodka Dude, Rub McGroin, and, two people who had not been there in a very long time... Former co-host from a long time ago, The Quaker, Hollywood Bri Bri (The Evil Shy Guy), and his Quaker wife. Of course, since it was Christmas Day, LE wanted to have all the meaningful traditions and accoutrements to celebrate this holiday. And to be in the spirit of the day, holy, giving, and kind. There was a Christmas tree... But, as it as very wrong to chop down and murder all those poor trees to celebrate a day that's supposed to be all about love and peace, it was not an actual tree. It was a much more festive and less cruel tree... It was made entirely out of barbed wire. Now, isn't that MUCH BETTER!? I'm sure this tradition will catch on really fast now, and, next year, everyone will have that kind of tree instead of killing all those poor trees! I know mine is going to be that kind from now on. Now, of course, a Christmas tree needs a star, and, since Just Joe is a star, (a radio star), a dim one, but one nonetheless, it was decided that he should be hung (Heh heh, heh heh, I said "Hung!") on top of the tree. So, Azkath took Just Joe and put him on top of the tree. This star, resisted however, (funny, I never heard of a star fighting being put on the tree), so it turned into a brawl on the barbed wire, with Just Joe, Azkath, and Electric Vodka Dude participating in it. They did however, finally succeed in getting the star impaled, err, I mean, very nicely placed atop the tree to decorate it. It was lovely! Sooo Christmasy! Then, at The next talk break, Just Joe had become the tree, and the barbed wire was all wrapped around him to decorate him. He looked gorgeous. Then his Hugging Music was played, and Just Joe, all wrapped in barbed wire, ran around the room hugging everyone. Can't you just feel all the love!? Bri Bri proved to be pretty successful in fending off Just Joe's hugs, it took Just Joe a long time to accomplish hugging him, and Rub used a chair as a barrier. They told Just Joe that Bri Bri just LOVES to have people muss up, play with, and pet his hair. So, as a Christmas present to him, Just Joe should do that to him. Just Joe went to do this... Now, in truth, Bri Bri hates this. He chased Just Joe outside, and threw him into a snowman that was out there. Just Joe came back inside covered in snowman. Very Christmasy! Now it was time for the big Christmas pageant. You can't have Christmas without that. Azkath told us the Christmas Story as he had researched it on the Internet. It was an extremely moving rendition of the Christmas Story, and, of course, entirely factual. I don't remember ever hearing that The 3 Wise Men were actually aliens and that the Star Of Bethlehem was a spaceship, but, if it came from the Internet, you know it must be true. See what an educational show LE is! You never knew you could learn while you were having all this fun, did you? The pageant was complete with a manger scene, with, of course, a baby Jesus. But, in the midst of this beautiful holy pageant, a tentacle came up the basement stairs, grabbed the baby Jesus, and carried it off into the basement. Everyone was very distraught at this rather bizarre turn of events. How could they have their Christmas pageant without the baby Jesus!? Just Joe was dispatched with haste to the basement to rescue the baby Jesus. Now, Just Joe has always badly botched up any task he's ever been given to carry out. But hey, this is Christmas, the time for miracles! Well, actually there was a miracle, but more on that in a bit, this was not it. Just Joe getting smart, that is just too big a miracle to ask of even Christmas! Bringing people back from the dead, no problem, sure, but not that. So, Just Joe badly screwed up this assignment too. They had him call upstairs on the phone, so they could follow the progress of the rescue mission. Just Joe said that some kind of tentacled infant stealing octopus like creature had the baby Jesus. They told him to get the baby Jesus back. There was the loud sound of machine gun fire. They asked Just Joe what was going on, that sounded like machine gun fire? Just Joe said that it was. They asked him where he had gotten the gun. Just Joe said that he always carries one on him. Now see, that should illustrate for you just how incredibly stupid Just Joe really is, and why that is way beyond the help of any miracle, even on Christmas... If he always has a machine gun on him, then why has he never thought to use it to fight off the many many many brutal beat downs and killings he has sustained over the years. Or to use it against the monster, and killer spiders that captured him in the basement other times? There was more gunfire. They asked him if he had the baby Jesus back. He said he did. They told him to bring it back upstairs so they could continue the pageant. And Just Joe did bring the baby Jesus back, and it was in many many many pieces. They told Just Joe that he had done a terrible job of rescuing the baby Jesus. They all turned on him, telling him it was all his fault that now they had no baby Jesus, and the pageant, and Christmas, was ruined. Foul Mouth Girl told them they were all being too mean to Just Joe. They told Just Joe that Foul Mouth Girl was going to show him her boobs, and give him a hug. As she was doing this, she also drove a big long knife into Just Joe's chest, killing him. For a minute everyone was extremely happy about this... Until they remembered that this was Christmas, and you just can't have a tragedy like a brutal murder occur on Christmas. However, on Christmas, they had learned from their research, from tragedy can come a miracle, through prayer and faith. It was decided that the way to pray for a Christmas miracle to save Just Joe, would be to play some Stryper. They asked God to bring Just Joe back, and played the Stryper... And, after a few minutes of Stryper, oh miracle of miracles!, lo and behold!, Just Joe was alive again! Alive and fine! Well, not quite fine, still really stupid, but, like I said, some things are just too much for even a Christmas miracle to fix. Just Joe said that while he had been dead, he had spoken with God and hung out with Jesus. He said that Jesus was actually, (as the song says) a cool dude. And he said that God had some messages for all of us. First off, God hates Stryper, Just Joe said that God had said they were to destroy every Stryper album, and never to even think about getting any more, he HATES Stryper! He also said that all manger scenes are completely wrong, and Mary was no Virgin, but confirmed the Wise Men being aliens and the star being a spaceship thing, but we knew that was never in any doubt anyways, as it came from the Internet, and, therefore, is Gospel. But God confirmed it anyways. Just Joe also said that God had also said, and this was really really important, that anime was the coolest thing ever. But, it was immediately understood that Just Joe had made that one up himself and tried to attribute it to God, as Just Joe loves anime. Just Joe said that God said heaven was full of hot naked chicks. Again, see how educational this show is! And we learned still more truths, as Rub then read a long moving story about how Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer really got his red nose. It was a long tale, but what it boils down to is that, shortly after the birth of Jesus, Rudolph saved the baby Jesus's life, was mortally wounded in the nose while doing so, and The baby Jesus touched his nose and restored his life. And ever after, the nose glowed. Isn't that a beautiful story!? Then there was a surprise visit... From Santa. Santa said that he had brought just one present, and it was for Just Joe, as Santa felt sorry for Just Joe, because they were all always being so mean to him. Just Joe opened his gift... And it was a box just full of Shiny Rocks. Everyone told Just Joe they were happy for him, now he had lots and lots of Shinys, and they were all thrilled for him about that. However, by now Just Joe was suspicious of Shinys as he's had so many of them explode on him recently. He is slow, but he does catch on after a while. He said he was going to dispose of the box of Shinys. And, as he was attempting to do that, every one of the Shinys exploded all over Just Joe. He was now COVERED in shiny black stuff. Well, actually, it still fit the Christmas theme, as he looked like he was covered in coal, so he must have been very naughty this year. Santa was very pleased with himself, he said that even Santa likes a practical joke now and then, and besides, he hated Just Joe too. Just Joe dedicated a song to Santa, "Santa Is A Fat Bitch". And then there was another surprise visitor... Satan. He said he had just had to come. What was with all this Christmas music, and celebrating that holiday!? Giving all the glory to God and The baby Jesus!? Why weren't they praising and worshiping Satan!? They said that well, because it was Christmas. Satan said that that was no excuse! Then Just Joe piped up and said that he had some more words from God. He told Satan that God said hi, what's up? And he said that God had also said that Satan had gotten a bad rap over all of these years. And centuries. And millennia. That, actually, God liked Satan. They Asked Satan his opinion of Stryper. Satan said that he loved Stryper, because when kids listen to them, they think they suck so much, that they go out and buy really evil metal music. They asked Satan how he was doing with his TIVO (Satan has claimed for some time now that TIVO was going to help him rule the world, but, for a long time, he didn't realize that you need to plug it in for it to work). Satan said that it was going much better, now that he had plugged it in, and still insisted that it is going to help him take over the world, that there is a button on it for that purpose. So, you might want to look for that button on your own TIVO, and perhaps you can rule the world. So, it was decided that, since it was alright with God, since he liked Satan and all, that for the rest of the show, they would play really evil black metal, Like Cradle Of Filth covering Slayer, Exodus, Exhorder, and so on and so forth. Up until that point, lots of Christmas music had been played throughout the night. Metal Christmas music, and comedy Christmas songs and narrations, yes, but Christmas themed stuff nonetheless. But for the rest of the night it was all a tribute to Satan, evil black metal. The show ended with one more beating and killing of Just Joe, for me, which is the best Christmas present I could ask for! I'm sure the best thing I will receive by far! Thanks guys! Sooo thoughtful, just what I wanted, and so in keeping with the true spirit of Christmas! The feature Artist to end out this very very special Last Exit For The Lost Christmas/7th Pre Anniversary Count Down To The End Of The World Show was Coven. And so that was the big event. It was truly beautiful, moving, and filled with all the things that Christmas is supposed to be about: Kindness, love, peace, holiness, gentleness, and good will. 

-Fire Eater Wizard

Read more...