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January 2, 2005 - Demon's Pick Show

Demon's Pick ShowThis weeks show began at midnight right after New Years Day, and was the first ever Demon's Picks Show, which meant that The Demon Azkath devoted the show to playing his favorite music and (except for listener requests, of course, which are always taken) picked all the selections and only played stuff which he personally liked and thought was really good. Well, actually, not quite all, his show was briefly hijacked, but more on that in a bit. Just Joe was absent this week and they didn't know why. (Perhaps he got himself arrested again to try and beat his new record of time spent in jail - four hours - so he can claim to be even more hardcore. He does, after all, have competition now for claiming the mantel of being most hardcore, as he has to top Gorgar, who has a broken neck, which is truly hardcore.) However, one of the other people present for this night claimed credit for Just Joe's absence. Lance from The Metallic Onslaught said that he was responsible. Lance said that in retaliation for the many disparaging remarks Just Joe has been making about him lately, (calling him gayer than Zoltan, which are truly fighting words, and saying that he was not hardcore), he had kicked his ass and thrown him down the stairs repeatedly, finally finishing him off with a shoe to the head. And Lance has had a lot of experience with throwing people down stairs, after all, having done it to Jeffie many times. So Lance said that it was due to this severe beat down that Just Joe was not there. And, btw, still no word on the fate of poor Fritz. Also present on this first show of the brand new year were: Tim from Victory Records, Rub McGroin, and Ritchie (the vocalist and guitarist for The Pushrods.). Ok, now the promised more on the brief hijacking of Azkath's picks show... Lance asked if (since Old Joe never lets him pick sets on MO) he could play a set or two of his picks. Azkath told him that this night was reserved for him only to pick the sets, and, that if Lance wanted to get to choose some music, he would just have to show up on the show a bit more often. (Lance has not been on LE for months). Lance asked Azkath what the hell was going on in the hall!? Azkath said that there was nothing going on in the hall, but Lance insisted that there were very bad wrong things happening out there that Azkath might be held responsible for (fixing and cleaning up and such) if he did not see to putting a stop to them. Azkath finally decided to go have a look... whereupon Lance immediately shut and locked the door instructing everyone to not let the Demon back in, and proceeded to play some of his favorite selections. However, Lance's reign of control was to be short lived, (he got to play about five songs), as Rub let Azkath back in. Of course Lance would pay for this act of mutiny. Azkath caught him and duct taped him to the top of Tim's car. He also put duct tape over Lance's mouth. Azkath told Tim to leave Lance there for their entire ride home, which Tim said he would do. Ritchie played some Pushrods songs acoustically, and took requests on which songs he should play. However, He could not remember the words to one of his own songs which was requested. This just happened to be my request btw... He tried to perform it, but just could not remember it, so it had to be put off for a bit until his memory could be refreshed. He finally did manage to do it. I'm sorry Ritchie, I didn't mean to make things so difficult for you by requesting one of your own songs. It was quite amusing. Later, Ritchie attempted to perform a song which he said he had just composed and wanted to send out to all the girls in the chatroom. He tried but kept cracking up while singing it, so we never got to hear very much of it. But, what we did hear was very funny something along the lines of how the girls would never talk to him face to face, but only online. Hearing him try to sing it and badly cracking up was also very amusing. I think there is a great song for the band in this when/if he finishes composing it. And thus went the first ever Demon's choice night and the first show of the new year. It was an amusing fun night. 

- Fire Eater Wizard

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June 8, 2014 - 20th Anniversary Shows - Part 1: Crappy the Clown

IMG 5906This month, June, marks twenty years of "The Last Exit For The Lost", this incarnation of the program, it was around under other names, hosted by other people, but June of '94 is when this one debuted. So this LE was the first of four or five very special programs to celebrate that, bringing back many voices from the past, former co-hosts, featuring many bands, and reliving twenty years of memories and insanity. Present for this night were, Eric, Crappy The Clown, Azriel, formerly of the band Zadoc And The Nightmare, The Worst Co-host In The World, Dave, Harold The Enforcer, The Old Man, Tracy, and, Rub Mc'Groin. Crappy played and sang a song for us on his guitar. Multiple rounds of Hide And Go Beat were played. Dave is our co-champion at this game, along with Rob, from the band Thirteen South. And he did it again tonight, it took three people trying, Azriel finally found him, so he got to knock Dave out by bashing him over the head with a big black metal sheet. While Dave was out, Azriel rubbed his belly. Then The Old Man hid. Azriel found him, and killed him with the metal sheet. However, The Old Man has been killed before, many times, and for someone so ancient and frail, he is remarkably resilient. So I'm sure we will see him again, in fact, we did, later that night, in our chat room, where I became his nurse, and, well, let's just say, despite his age is a sleazy, lecherous pervert. Azriel hid, Arydaea and Tracy found him, so they each got to give him a shot with the metal sheet. A clip of a former co-host who won't be able to make it to the celebration, Zoltan The Avenger, was played. He is now too old and wimpy to join us, plus we were in a feud over who is more powerful, and clearly this means that he is afraid of me, and has conceded that I am. The last hour was a very special Old School Hour, all bands that were on LE over the years, performed for us, some were here as co-host bands they were here so often, bands who were interviewed, or interacted with LE. This hour, bands like, Divinity Destroyed, The Pushrods, If Man Is Five, Others, Missing Marcus, Armageddon Monks, New Animal, among many more, some tracks were performances live here, and there was a funny clip with a band member from way back in '94, our first year. And so thus went the first night of our month long celebration of twenty years of "The Last Exit For The Lost"!  - Recap by Fire Eater Wizard

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December 25, 2005 - We Love Satan Xmas Show / 7th Pre-Anniversary End of the World Show

We Love Satan...This was a very very special Last Exit For The Lost. It was something that doesn't happen often. Every few years, Christmas Day falls on a Sunday, and this is one of those years. So, yes, that's right, LE fell right on Christmas Day this year! And it was also the 7th pre anniversary count down to the end of the world on December 21st 2012, as it will be kinda hard to have anniversaries to that date after the end of the world, we do it now. Well, we may still be having anniversaries to it somewhere after the world ends, but, who knows where, what plane, dimension, or level, so, we do them now. That blended very nicely with the Christmas show. Those two themes go very well together. Present on this very special night were: Just Joe, Electric Vodka Dude, Rub McGroin, and, two people who had not been there in a very long time... Former co-host from a long time ago, The Quaker, Hollywood Bri Bri (The Evil Shy Guy), and his Quaker wife. Of course, since it was Christmas Day, LE wanted to have all the meaningful traditions and accoutrements to celebrate this holiday. And to be in the spirit of the day, holy, giving, and kind. There was a Christmas tree... But, as it as very wrong to chop down and murder all those poor trees to celebrate a day that's supposed to be all about love and peace, it was not an actual tree. It was a much more festive and less cruel tree... It was made entirely out of barbed wire. Now, isn't that MUCH BETTER!? I'm sure this tradition will catch on really fast now, and, next year, everyone will have that kind of tree instead of killing all those poor trees! I know mine is going to be that kind from now on. Now, of course, a Christmas tree needs a star, and, since Just Joe is a star, (a radio star), a dim one, but one nonetheless, it was decided that he should be hung (Heh heh, heh heh, I said "Hung!") on top of the tree. So, Azkath took Just Joe and put him on top of the tree. This star, resisted however, (funny, I never heard of a star fighting being put on the tree), so it turned into a brawl on the barbed wire, with Just Joe, Azkath, and Electric Vodka Dude participating in it. They did however, finally succeed in getting the star impaled, err, I mean, very nicely placed atop the tree to decorate it. It was lovely! Sooo Christmasy! Then, at The next talk break, Just Joe had become the tree, and the barbed wire was all wrapped around him to decorate him. He looked gorgeous. Then his Hugging Music was played, and Just Joe, all wrapped in barbed wire, ran around the room hugging everyone. Can't you just feel all the love!? Bri Bri proved to be pretty successful in fending off Just Joe's hugs, it took Just Joe a long time to accomplish hugging him, and Rub used a chair as a barrier. They told Just Joe that Bri Bri just LOVES to have people muss up, play with, and pet his hair. So, as a Christmas present to him, Just Joe should do that to him. Just Joe went to do this... Now, in truth, Bri Bri hates this. He chased Just Joe outside, and threw him into a snowman that was out there. Just Joe came back inside covered in snowman. Very Christmasy! Now it was time for the big Christmas pageant. You can't have Christmas without that. Azkath told us the Christmas Story as he had researched it on the Internet. It was an extremely moving rendition of the Christmas Story, and, of course, entirely factual. I don't remember ever hearing that The 3 Wise Men were actually aliens and that the Star Of Bethlehem was a spaceship, but, if it came from the Internet, you know it must be true. See what an educational show LE is! You never knew you could learn while you were having all this fun, did you? The pageant was complete with a manger scene, with, of course, a baby Jesus. But, in the midst of this beautiful holy pageant, a tentacle came up the basement stairs, grabbed the baby Jesus, and carried it off into the basement. Everyone was very distraught at this rather bizarre turn of events. How could they have their Christmas pageant without the baby Jesus!? Just Joe was dispatched with haste to the basement to rescue the baby Jesus. Now, Just Joe has always badly botched up any task he's ever been given to carry out. But hey, this is Christmas, the time for miracles! Well, actually there was a miracle, but more on that in a bit, this was not it. Just Joe getting smart, that is just too big a miracle to ask of even Christmas! Bringing people back from the dead, no problem, sure, but not that. So, Just Joe badly screwed up this assignment too. They had him call upstairs on the phone, so they could follow the progress of the rescue mission. Just Joe said that some kind of tentacled infant stealing octopus like creature had the baby Jesus. They told him to get the baby Jesus back. There was the loud sound of machine gun fire. They asked Just Joe what was going on, that sounded like machine gun fire? Just Joe said that it was. They asked him where he had gotten the gun. Just Joe said that he always carries one on him. Now see, that should illustrate for you just how incredibly stupid Just Joe really is, and why that is way beyond the help of any miracle, even on Christmas... If he always has a machine gun on him, then why has he never thought to use it to fight off the many many many brutal beat downs and killings he has sustained over the years. Or to use it against the monster, and killer spiders that captured him in the basement other times? There was more gunfire. They asked him if he had the baby Jesus back. He said he did. They told him to bring it back upstairs so they could continue the pageant. And Just Joe did bring the baby Jesus back, and it was in many many many pieces. They told Just Joe that he had done a terrible job of rescuing the baby Jesus. They all turned on him, telling him it was all his fault that now they had no baby Jesus, and the pageant, and Christmas, was ruined. Foul Mouth Girl told them they were all being too mean to Just Joe. They told Just Joe that Foul Mouth Girl was going to show him her boobs, and give him a hug. As she was doing this, she also drove a big long knife into Just Joe's chest, killing him. For a minute everyone was extremely happy about this... Until they remembered that this was Christmas, and you just can't have a tragedy like a brutal murder occur on Christmas. However, on Christmas, they had learned from their research, from tragedy can come a miracle, through prayer and faith. It was decided that the way to pray for a Christmas miracle to save Just Joe, would be to play some Stryper. They asked God to bring Just Joe back, and played the Stryper... And, after a few minutes of Stryper, oh miracle of miracles!, lo and behold!, Just Joe was alive again! Alive and fine! Well, not quite fine, still really stupid, but, like I said, some things are just too much for even a Christmas miracle to fix. Just Joe said that while he had been dead, he had spoken with God and hung out with Jesus. He said that Jesus was actually, (as the song says) a cool dude. And he said that God had some messages for all of us. First off, God hates Stryper, Just Joe said that God had said they were to destroy every Stryper album, and never to even think about getting any more, he HATES Stryper! He also said that all manger scenes are completely wrong, and Mary was no Virgin, but confirmed the Wise Men being aliens and the star being a spaceship thing, but we knew that was never in any doubt anyways, as it came from the Internet, and, therefore, is Gospel. But God confirmed it anyways. Just Joe also said that God had also said, and this was really really important, that anime was the coolest thing ever. But, it was immediately understood that Just Joe had made that one up himself and tried to attribute it to God, as Just Joe loves anime. Just Joe said that God said heaven was full of hot naked chicks. Again, see how educational this show is! And we learned still more truths, as Rub then read a long moving story about how Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer really got his red nose. It was a long tale, but what it boils down to is that, shortly after the birth of Jesus, Rudolph saved the baby Jesus's life, was mortally wounded in the nose while doing so, and The baby Jesus touched his nose and restored his life. And ever after, the nose glowed. Isn't that a beautiful story!? Then there was a surprise visit... From Santa. Santa said that he had brought just one present, and it was for Just Joe, as Santa felt sorry for Just Joe, because they were all always being so mean to him. Just Joe opened his gift... And it was a box just full of Shiny Rocks. Everyone told Just Joe they were happy for him, now he had lots and lots of Shinys, and they were all thrilled for him about that. However, by now Just Joe was suspicious of Shinys as he's had so many of them explode on him recently. He is slow, but he does catch on after a while. He said he was going to dispose of the box of Shinys. And, as he was attempting to do that, every one of the Shinys exploded all over Just Joe. He was now COVERED in shiny black stuff. Well, actually, it still fit the Christmas theme, as he looked like he was covered in coal, so he must have been very naughty this year. Santa was very pleased with himself, he said that even Santa likes a practical joke now and then, and besides, he hated Just Joe too. Just Joe dedicated a song to Santa, "Santa Is A Fat Bitch". And then there was another surprise visitor... Satan. He said he had just had to come. What was with all this Christmas music, and celebrating that holiday!? Giving all the glory to God and The baby Jesus!? Why weren't they praising and worshiping Satan!? They said that well, because it was Christmas. Satan said that that was no excuse! Then Just Joe piped up and said that he had some more words from God. He told Satan that God said hi, what's up? And he said that God had also said that Satan had gotten a bad rap over all of these years. And centuries. And millennia. That, actually, God liked Satan. They Asked Satan his opinion of Stryper. Satan said that he loved Stryper, because when kids listen to them, they think they suck so much, that they go out and buy really evil metal music. They asked Satan how he was doing with his TIVO (Satan has claimed for some time now that TIVO was going to help him rule the world, but, for a long time, he didn't realize that you need to plug it in for it to work). Satan said that it was going much better, now that he had plugged it in, and still insisted that it is going to help him take over the world, that there is a button on it for that purpose. So, you might want to look for that button on your own TIVO, and perhaps you can rule the world. So, it was decided that, since it was alright with God, since he liked Satan and all, that for the rest of the show, they would play really evil black metal, Like Cradle Of Filth covering Slayer, Exodus, Exhorder, and so on and so forth. Up until that point, lots of Christmas music had been played throughout the night. Metal Christmas music, and comedy Christmas songs and narrations, yes, but Christmas themed stuff nonetheless. But for the rest of the night it was all a tribute to Satan, evil black metal. The show ended with one more beating and killing of Just Joe, for me, which is the best Christmas present I could ask for! I'm sure the best thing I will receive by far! Thanks guys! Sooo thoughtful, just what I wanted, and so in keeping with the true spirit of Christmas! The feature Artist to end out this very very special Last Exit For The Lost Christmas/7th Pre Anniversary Count Down To The End Of The World Show was Coven. And so that was the big event. It was truly beautiful, moving, and filled with all the things that Christmas is supposed to be about: Kindness, love, peace, holiness, gentleness, and good will. 

-Fire Eater Wizard

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