Menu

August 21, 2016 - Surprise No Pants Day!

Surprise!

Present were, EVD, Nathan, Dylan, Tim, Eric, Just Joe, Justin aka Twelve Inch, Randy from The Metallic Onslaught, Sloth, and, Chuck. Chuck arrived, saying that there was something dark and ominous on it's way. And, he was right, because soon, Just Joe, Sloth and, Randy arrived, and, they all seemed to think that it was No Pants  Day. or, maybe, More pants Day, because, Just Joe had on a few pairs of pants, but went to just his underwear, Iron man underwear, at that! There was a lot of disturbing molesting going on. Azkath threatened to quit a couple of times, but didn't get to, because there were too many half naked men blocking his way. Azkath hit Randy really hard, and, Mandy emerged! Mandy was still looking to become a mom, and, once again, she set her sights on Nathan! This Mandy has appalling taste in men. Nathan screamed in horror, and tried desperately to escape, but, other people prevented that. Mandy said she wanted twins now. She had her way with poor Nathan, but, it didn't take very long. However, to Nathan, I'm sure it took an eternity! Nathan was severely traumatized, all he would say was, "Mommy. Mommy.". When Randy was back, he was also very disturbed that Mandy had made another appearance. He had no idea how that had happened. No one was more disturbed than Nathan, who I'm sure will never get over this. Randy said he was leaving, as did Sloth, and, Nathan. Finally, Azkath got Just Joe to put more pants on. Just Joe wanted every day to be No Pants Day, which everyone voiced strong objections to. We spotlighted musically first the year 1987, and then the year 1988. There were, songs, metal and comedy ones, and readings inspired by and about H.P. Lovecraft, as it would have been his Birthday if he were still alive. Azkath told Just Joe about a web site, www.ratemypoo.com, which was on a list of web sites no one should ever go to. Which, of course, Just Joe immediately did. However, it kept sounding like rapemypoo.com, which is what I first thought he said as well, which, as bad as the first way sounds, that's even worse! So everyone had fun looking for that site, it doesn't exist, but, I'm sure it probably will now, someone I'm sure got an idea. 

- Fire Eater Wizard

Read more...

Sloth

SlothThe Sloth is one of the oldest co-hosts on The Last Exit for the Lost. He was first on air way back in 1994. One of the earliest shows we still have in the archive can be heard with Sloth. He has been with us off and on the whole time, but not frequently as he is slow. He's a funny guy, in a lot of ways. He's also a little disturbing. Sloth loves all kinds of Metal and more Gothic music.

Read more...

May 17, 2015 - MORE Pants Day

MORE Pants DayTo make up for the carnage that was No Pants Day Weekend two weeks ago, this was to be a MORE Pants Day Show. Present were, EVD, Just Joe, Nathan, Justin, Mr. Linda, Chuck a host of the program which follows LE, "The Salt Creek Show", and, Sloth. Sloth, however, thought it was No Pants Day Weekend, because you see, Sloths are extremely slow, he probably left his home two weeks ago for that, and was just arriving now, and, if he meant to attend More Pants Day, then he'd probably show up two weeks from now. So he had no pants, and a really big bulge in his boxers. Just Joe was upset he had to wear pants and Sloth didn't, so he also became pantsless. He and Just Joe kept molesting Chuck, rubbing their pants less selves all over him, Sloth wanted to give him a rub down with lotion, and Chuck almost got duct taped to Sloth and Just Joe. This was all too much for Chuck, after all, he hosts an old timy country program, where I'm pretty sure stuff like this doesn't go on. Chuck said he was leaving. Azkath blamed Just Joe for this, and went to give him a beat down, but, in the process, Chuck got knocked out cold, again, something which I'm pretty sure doesn't happen on his program. Azkath blamed Just Joe for that, too. He told Sloth and Just Joe to do something with Chuck, as he was sure he would be really upset when he woke up. He told them to carry him home, put him on his front porch, and make sure they put his hand down his pants, that way, when he woke up, he wouldn't say anything about it, he would be too embarrassed. They took him to his home. However, when they returned with a report, according to Sloth anyways, they did a lot more than just put Chuck's hand down his own pants, they put their hands down his pants, and each others's as well.

Just Joe got really loud, and blew out everyone's headphone's so Azkath hit him repeatedly with a baking sheet, and did that to Sloth, too, because he was also being annoying, they both ended up on the floor for a while.

Just Joe kept putting anything he could find that belonged to Nathan down his pants. Nathan complained that every time he's there, his stuff keeps winding up down someone's pants, first Jeffie's, now Just Joe's, Just Joe put everything he could get his hands on that belonged to Nathan down his pants. Well, Nathan, you should know by now, if you have anything you value, don't bring it to LE, because it is sure to get molested, abused, and/or ruined.

Read more...

June 22, 2014 - 20th Anniversary Shows - Part 3: Bri Bri and The Sloth

Last ExitThis was the third of our special Anniversary Shows, throughout the month of June, as June marks the twentieth anniversary of this incarnation of the program. So, all month, voices from the past, former co-hosts coming back, current and past band members who have been on, and Best Of clips reliving all the insanity have been featured. Present this night were, Just Joe, who was actually there for two weeks in a row, James, Tim, Rick, From "The Metallic Onslaught", Dave, formerly of the band Spater, we learned this night that Spater was no more, Bri Bri, The Evil Shy Guy, among many names he has had, among others, The Evil Quaker, Hollywood Bri Bri, and Cousin Mel, his wife, Theresa, and his arch Nemesis, The Sloth Of The Apocalypse, and, Matt, who got a big hand for getting the performance room up and running, so now bands can perform live, and full electric, not just acoustic. Dave tested it out, he played some songs, three, including a love song, and a Spater song. The room worked great, and the songs were cool. Azkath had a present for Sloth, The Almost Original Suck Toy Of The Monkeys, from way back in the day. Sloth didn't want to put it in his mouth, but it wound up there anyways. Sloth and Bri Bri still argued, Bri Bri said he had given up being a Quaker, and was no longer evil, but Sloth didn't believe him. Azkath had another present for sloth, a Twinkie. He said it was the last Twinkie. Sloth was devastated when they stopped making Twinkies. He didn't trust that it was real, he thought it was a trick. Finally Azkath convinced him that it wasn't, Sloth opened the Twinkie, and saw that it really was a Twinkie. He started thanking Azkath profusely. While he was doing that, Just Joe was eying the Twinkie. When Sloth finally went to eat the Twinkie, Sloths are really slow, he only got to taste one bite of it, because Just Joe couldn't control himself any longer, and grabbed and devoured the Twinkie. Sloth tore after Just Joe in a rage, or at least as much as a sloth can really tear after anyone or anything, especially when that someone is on a sugar rush from a just eaten Twinkie. Just Joe got back, Sloth hadn't caught him. They asked him why he would do such a mean thing to poor Sloth. Just Joe's response was "Twinkie delicious!". Sloth finally made it back, and did choke Just Joe. But apparently Sloth was unaware that they have brought back the Twinkie, some months ago. When he was informed that you can buy them pretty much anywhere, he said he was leaving to go buy some right now. They asked him to stay for the rest of the program, but he said it would be fine, he was just going to run right down to the store, and grab some Twinkies, and run right back. So he left, and we should see him in about nine months to a year. With Twinkies. The next day, Monday, June 23rd, was Tim's Birthday, Happy Birthday, Tim! So Azkath had a birthday present for him. In the other room, there was a nice big floor, which was covered in about a hundred mousetraps. At first Azkath had thought to have Tim thrown into them for his birthday, but then decided that there was something that Tim would probably like even more than that, Tim could throw Just Joe into the mousetraps. So Azkath had had Just Joe set up the mousetraps, telling him that he was going to throw Tim into them for his birthday, which Just Joe totally bought. So Just Joe took Tim to the mousetrap room, and Just Joe wound up covered in mousetraps, the sounds from there were really impressive. Besides, Just Joe, you should have that happen, not only did it bring Tim happiness for his birthday, but you were really mean to poor Sloth, stealing his Twinkie and breaking his heart. Everyone sang "Happy Birthday To You" to Tim, well, Just Joe shrieked it, like he always does. The like last half of the program consisted of all music from bands that have been in the studio at LE over the past twenty years, and there is still a ton more of it to get through, we have had many, many, really excellent bands grace us with their presence over these two decades. Sadly, many of them are no more, but they left us with a lot of really great music. There was a Movie Time, and TV programs, and wrestling, were discussed as well. Throughout the night many Best Of clips were played, featuring Bri Bri and Sloth. And James brought us a wheel, we have never really actually had a wheel, just a box with a button on it, but now we have one, thanks to James. And so, thus went the third of our Twentieth Anniversary Specials. - Fire Eater Wizard

Read more...

November 7, 2010 - Tribute to the Past Russian Roulette Show

Recap by The Metal Wulf; (FEW Recap at end of Post) Alright, folks, you'd better all enjoy this one, because it's probably the only recap I'll be writing for The Last Exit For The Lost. So, how did this come about? What circumstances drove me to defect from The Metallic Onslaught for what would end up being only one night? Glad ya asked!

So, there was this sinister force in the universe known as Jeffie. Jeffie was a clone of the Last Exit's host, who we all know as the Demon Azkath.  (Well, more specifically, Jeffie was a clone of Jeff the Radio Guy, who in turn is a clone of Azkath, but hey, no sense in getting overly technical here...) On the last edition of The Metallic Onslaught, which was our Halloween show, Jeffie showed up as Pepe. Now, as the night wore on, Pepe decided I should wear his outfit, throwing his itchy poncho on me, and his sombrero, and also shoved his maracas in my hands. Hey, I did my best to play along, just go with it, try to have fun, yada, yada, yada... But then he had to go and chloroform me... This particular indignity was bad enough, but what came next was too much for this Wulf to take. The Onslaught's host, Joe Wyatt, suggested that Jeffie revive me by doing CPR, not knowing that I was slowly reviving on my own. But, Jeffie went with it anyway, and decided to give me mouth-to-mouth, clearly not knowing that tongue should NEVER be involved with the process. Suffice to say, Jeffie could probably have told you what the contents of my stomach were that night...

So, it was a a hard decision, but in the end I figured that it couldn't possibly be any worse going to Ithaca and joining up with Azkath's crew. As I understood it, Jeffie was never allowed on their show, so I would be free of him, once and for all! Now, I should mention that Rick from the Onslaught was also on hand this night, I think in the hopes of getting me to reconsider my move. But, my mind was made up!

And really, I'd thought I'd picked a good night to make my official debut! This was one of their Tribute To The Past Russian Roulette shows, which features nothing but older music The Russian Roulette portion comes from Azkath playing random selections of music. A "bullet" in this variation is actually in the form of a certain category of song, whether it's something that's been overplayed on mainstream radio, or something really cheesy, or a cover version. Those are a few examples anyway. When a bullet plays, someone gets to pick a little slip of paper out of a bag, and what's written on the paper dictates what comes next. The person who drew the slip chooses somebody ("victim"is a good choice of words, here...) to be the subject of whatever's written on the slip. Example: Shane became the subject of record breaking. Literally, having vinyl record albums broken over his head! Other bullets resulted in a few of the guys being piled into the rest room, which was full (and I do mean FULL!) of balloons, not to mention EVD taking a shot to the head with a DVD player (courtesy of me!). If you're a regular listener, I'm sure you know of what I am speaking! Actually, it was a great deal of fun until a bullet with Jeffie's name on it was drawn... Now, this meant that somebody had to actually call Jeffie to come onto the Last Exit, where he is normally forbidden. I mean, really, of all nights! What the HELL? Azkath suspected this particular bullet has been snuck into the bag by Just Joe. But rules are rules, so, against the wishes of nearly everybody there (except Just Joe), Jeffie arrived. It was a short visit, I must say... I think I may have let out a war cry of sorts, as I picked up my liter size bottle of Mountain Dew, and a sharp fragment of record album that just happened to be within reach. What happened next is probably far too gory for words, as I proceeded to bludgeon and slice Jeffie into a virtually unrecognizable lump of red goo in the hallway. Sloth, no stranger to The Last Exit, summed up part of the carnage, describing my ripping Jeffie in half after grabbing hold of each of his butt cheeks. Now, I really must have been in a blind rage, 'cuz I really don't quite remember that part... Anyhoo, what was left of Jeffie was probably far more shocking than the time I killed and ate all his llamas. Just Joe was highly displeased (okay, more like ENRAGED) at returning to find his friends' remains strewn about the hallway, and I think Azkath was a little put-out with me as well. He even went so far as to say that he wasn't making any more Jeffie's to send to the Onslaught. Now, Rick and I both agreed that the Onslaught would be perfectly fine with that, but Azkath seems to think that without Jeffie, we're only going to end up turning on each other. Actually, this was kind of a non-issue at first, since I'd still planned on staying true to my defection. At least, up until I became the subject of a bullet... Just Joe had drawn this particular slip, which simply said "Porno Joe". He didn't seem familiar with this particular action, but made me the target anyway. Azkath assured Joe that he'd remember soon enough, and began playing some really bad Seventies porn music. Next thing I knew, Joe was stripping his shirt off and giving me a lamp dance, bouncing his hairy monkey-like physique on my knees, rubbing my head. I think unrestrained panic would be a good way to describe my reaction. It took my beating him with a computer keyboard to get him off of me, and I quickly made a run for the door, screaming for Rick to get me out of there! Of course, once it was all over, Just Joe didn't remember a thing and I was emotionally scarred, quite possibly for life. They'd gotten me calmed down sufficiently, but I'd already changed my mind about my decision. I was gettin' out of there and returning to the Onslaught!

Hey, if nothing else, we don't have to worry about that annoying Jeffie anymore!
Read more...