The Last Exit For The Lost Apocalyptic Underground Radio

There were no more freak events (of nature, or otherwise. No, the freak events were once again reserved for the show, as it should be), so, there actually was a LE this week. Attendant at this show were: Ritchie of The Pushrods, Just Joe, and some new people, one of whom was named Michelle, and a new guy named Ken. Ritchie performed some more songs acoustically, including couple new songs. While he was performing, as is the custom now, he had to contend with being tormented by Just Joe. And, there was a new and bizarre twist to this torment. Michelle had brought with her a cigarette lighter, and while Ritchie was trying to perform his songs, Just Joe was poking said cigarette lighter in his ear. Oh, and did I mention that this lighter was in the shape of a, well, a penis!? Ritchie put up quite a good performance considering what he was enduring, guess he's getting used to performing through Just Joe's molestations. Then they instructed Just Joe to take someone to the basement. They decided and told him to have it be Michelle. Just Joe did this, quite roughly (he had been being gentler doing this lately, but, this time Michelle went down the stairs flailing and screaming). Foul Mouth Girl then locked the basement door to keep Just Joe down there, saying that if a human sacrifice was what was needed to get rid of Just Joe for a while, and get some peace and quiet, well then it was a fair trade. However, at the next talk break, we were informed that Just Joe was now outside, curled up in a fetal position, listening to Dennis Leary, and unresponsive. They asked Michelle what had transpired that had traumatized Just Joe so badly. And apparently, although Just Joe had started off in charge of the situation, he badly lost control of it. Although Michelle had gone down the stairs flailing and screaming, and had flown through the air and went sprawling onto the couch, she then told Just Joe that she was going to show him who was in charge... And she shoved the penis shaped lighter... Never mind. So, Just Joe was raped with a dick shaped cigarette lighter. They thanked Michelle for doing such an excellent job of Dispatching Just Joe for them, and then she and Ken were on their merry way. Just Joe refused to talk about it when they asked him what had happened to him, and why he kept holding his butt as if it were in pain. There were also some other beat downs and brawls throughout the night involving a chair. And we finally got an update on how the attempted combining of The Wheel Of Satan with The Keys To The Apocalypse to try and bring about some kind of an Armageddon is going... Apparently it is not going too well so far, but it is still being worked on... So, we shall wait and see... Then it was decided to try something new... They called it Ritchie's Challenge, and it went like this... Just Joe and Ritchie would come up with classic rock songs and try to perform them. They did some Boston and some other ones. And then Just Joe Started singing... VERY badly! Right before they went into the feature for the night, Ritchie played and Just Joe sang "You're Just What I Needed" by The Cars. It was absolutely hideous and was apologized for by Azkath. In the final portion of the show, we got to hear The Pushrod's performance from The Extreme Soundscapes DVD release show a couple months ago played in it's entirety, well, in it's entirety except for Ritchie's copious swearing between songs, which had to be edited out of course. It sounded great and rocked! 

-Fire Eater Wizard

In a shocking turn of events, Just Joe beat down and totally incapacitated The Demon Azkath. Just Joe hosted the show for the night, and played all his favorites, Elf, Dio, Triumph, The Dave Mathews Band, and Travis Rocco (that last is a local soft rock/pop sounding band btw, as I doubt if many of you would know who they are, I do, but that is because, unfortunately for me, I have the misfortune of sharing a hometown with Just Joe!) Just Joe turned out to be extremely smart after all, and his feigned stupidity was just a clever disguise to lull everyone into a false sense of security. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... Nobody could be that good of an actor! But, that turned out to be just his evil brilliance. The Penguin and FMG talked on the air all night long as well. It was a very different show than it usually is! It rocked and I hope it will continue! PSYCH!!! Gotcha! Actually, for the first time in ten years, there was no LE of any kind (there was a recorded version, instead of a live show once when the station was transferring to a new location. There was almost a rerun of The classic Armageddon show last fall, when the crew had planned to take a rare and well deserved night off, but their plans fell through, and there was a live show after all that night. And there have been a couple of times when there were fill in hosts. But this was the first time that there was no show at all)... And this tragedy was due to the blizzard that hit the east coast which I'm sure (unless you live in a cave) you noticed or heard and saw a lot of coverage of. So, I made it all up for you! None of those travesties took place! Aren't you relieved?! What a nightmare! There was only a virtual show of sorts held in the chat room. Hmmm, I wonder if that severe weather might have been caused by the work that might have been going on trying to combine the Wheel Of Satan with The Keys To The Apocalypse to reek havoc?? A mini Apocalypse (possibly a preview of bigger and better things to come, perhaps??) Who Knows? Having no LE for a week, tragic though that is (and it most certainly is!), if it was in the cause of trying to engineer an Armageddon, well, every worthy cause requires great sacrifice. In any case, barring any more unforeseen freak events of nature, (or any other freak events of any sort) there will be a LE this week, so be sure to tune in for it!

Crow and Ritchie of The Pushrods were both there. So were Ian The Yeti, and The Penguin. The theme of throwing people in the snow continued. The Penguin was being annoying and obnoxious (her usual self, that is), so they had Just Joe force her outside and toss her in the snow (Crow helped). Well, Penguins are at home in and like snow, don't they? While this brawl was going on, The Penguin in her struggles, only managed to wind up in compromising possessions with just Joe. She was extremely traumatized by this (of course she was, who wouldn't be!), and tried to deny that they had ever taken place. (I'm sure there is documentary proof, though, unfortunately for her!) Then Ritchie was trying to perform some songs, and, while he was, someone goosed him and was touching him in other suggestive ways. He thought and hoped it was the Penguin, but then discovered the nightmare truth... It was Just Joe! Oh, the horror! The inhumanity! Ritchie tried to be brave and perform another song, but he just couldn't get through it due to Just Joe's further distractions. So Azkath told Ritchie to just perform some instrumental Just Joe beat down theme music, as he was going to give Just Joe one long severe brutal beating as JJ had been provoking him all night and he had been storing up the beating that was about to take place. Ritchie was only too happy to comply with this. He supplied the musical accompaniment and one terrific prolonged brawl ensued. Just Joe emerged battered but, of course, still alive. No matter how hard they try, he just doesn't have the decency to die and stay dead. Ritchie did manage to perform some songs which were funny as always. The Yeti wanted him to perform the theme to The Love Boat. Ritchie did sing a bit of it, and so now Ritchie is Ian's hero and Ian seems to have appointed himself Ritchie's protector. I'm not so sure if that would be a good thing for Ritchie or not. The band King Snyder were on for an interview. They brought their new CD, and all three tracks from it were played. It sounded great. And they told us about themselves, their music, and upcoming concerts. They have not been on LE for about a year and a half, and it was good to hear from them again.

-Fire Eater Wizard

Just Joe was back and he did not deny Lance's claim that he had beaten JJ so severely that this was why he had been absent, so, it was true. Just Joe said that Lance had sneaked up on him and surprised him. It was one of those shows with a ton of people there, so let me see if I can take attendance and name them all. Just Joe as I said, Ian The Yeti, The Penguin, Alan (the new enforcer), Ritchie (vocalist and guitarist for the Pushrods), and the band Others. There! The band Others: Mark, Dano (also in Punch Drunk Monkeys), and Jessica were on to promote some upcoming concerts, to be interviewed, and to perform many of their songs live and acoustic on the air. They rocked and it was an awesome performance! They also promised while they were there that they would do something to take care of Just Joe. The time came for them to leave, and they had done nothing yet in this regard. As they were leaving, they said that they wanted to have their picture taken with Just Joe outside... Everyone went outside to arrange and witness this... And the band attacked Just Joe... They jumped him and kept putting their hands down his pants (well, unfortunately for Just Joe, only Mark and Dan-O did this, as Jessica sensibly ran away when she saw that this would involve putting hands down Just Joe's pants). Also unfortunately for Just Joe, they were putting their hands down his pants because they were putting snow down his pants, lots and lots of snow... They also dropped lots of snow down his shirt... They then double teamed him, shoving him into a large snow drift, and piling on top of him. The downside to all this was that when Just Joe finally got back inside, he took off his soaking wet pants, and then threatened to sit on people's laps, particularly poor Ian. Since the bands ambush of Just Joe had come as a total surprise, they wanted Ian to get Just Joe to go back outside and recreate the scene so that it could be documented this time. They told Just Joe to go outside with Ian. Just Joe was on to what they wanted to do and called them on it (he really does seem to be getting smarter about things like that). They of course denied it, saying that nothing like what had just happened with the band would happen again. Just Joe finally did go outside with Ian. And Just Joe and Ian had a brawl in the snow, mainly leaving Ian this time covered in snow. Ritchie performed some more Pushrods songs acoustically including a couple brand new ones which were hysterical. He then tried to perform their song "Girls In Vinyl Skirts", and, while he was attempting to do this, Just Joe was distracting him, dancing beside him, and doing a strip tease for him. Now of course having this going on from Just Joe while he was singing a song about girls in vinyl skirts and all the things he wants to do to and with them, very understandably made Ritchie very uncomfortable, and he kept cracking up so badly that he finally abandoned trying to get through the song, as he just couldn't do it. It was all very amusing. Just Joe and Azkath got into a brawl in which Azkath pile drove Just Joe onto a chair. And then toward the end of the night a very interesting development occurred... Just Joe was ranting on about a couple weeks back when they tricked him into going into the basement and locked him down there... He was talking about how he had escaped by finding Dr. Evil's cave and leaving through it. And apparently while he was in the cave he made an interesting find... A large, strange set of keys... Azkath told him to give him the keys, and then identified them... Now you will recall that Armageddon was supposed to fall on May 15th 2002, (almost three years ago now), and the big lead up to it only to have it not occur... And the reason it did not occur was because the late, not so great, and unlamented Zoltan had stolen the Keys to the Apocalypse and then refused to relinquish them... They had never been able to be successful in getting them back from him, and, after his demise, what had happened to the keys was never known. But, now they had turned up in Dr. Evil's cave. No one knew how or why they were down there, but here they were!! They were only for that particular Apocalypse, (which it was, of course, too late for), but Azkath said that he would try to combine them with the Wheel Of Satan (after working on the wheel to repair it, of course, as it is apparently broken even though Just Joe still insists that he fixed it when he made it play the Teletubbies), and see if he can engineer another Apocalypse. So, we shall all wait in breathless anticipation to see what this will yield! In the last portion of the show the recording of the band Other's performance from The Punch Drunk Monkey's 10th anniversary Extravaganza a couple months back was played in it's entirety. It sounded great and rocked! 

- Fire Eater Wizard